Easy Prime Rib... Yes, you read that right!

The holiday parties are in a couple of weeks.  And EVERYBODY's thinking about hams and turkeys.  Honeybaked has a line out the door and Costco has a gigantic freezer section filled to capacity with pig legs wrapped in red foil.

But if you're looking for a great option, just turn your back to the ham pile and look to the beef case.  You'll find probably the most prized cut of beef in the culinary world, the prime rib.  It may be named standing rib roast or something similar, but be assured, that's prime rib.

And this time of year, the prices for this cut can be downright amazing.  Watch your local grocery ads.  You'll see roasts for as cheap as $5.99 per pound.  A 7 pound roast can feed 8-10 people and if there are leftovers, consider yourself lucky.  You have the perfect ingredient for awesome sandwiches, stews, or even one of our chilis.

The key to a great prime rib is the slow cooking  You MUST have some sort of thermometer inserted into the meat so you know exactly what the temperature is in the middle of the roast.  The difference between rare and medium rare is 5 degrees.  And the different between that perfect medium rare and a medium that is a little less juicy is also 5 degrees, as you can see in the photo above.  So you need to monitor it's temperature constantly.  You could use a mechanical thermometer, but that means checking it constantly and who really wants to do that.  For the chronically lazy like myself, a digital thermometer is the perfect solution.  Most have an alert built in so it will beep as soon as it hits the perfect temp.

So set your thermometer to beep at 122 degrees, then you can pull it from the oven and let the carryover heat take it to just the right temperature.

Perfectly Easy Prime Rib

Plan for 2 1/2-3 hours of total cooking time

One 6-7 pound prime rib or standing rib roast
1 tablespoon oregano
1 tablespoon rosemary
1 tablespoon thyme
1 teaspoon onion powder
1/2 tablespoon sage
2 cloves garlic
1/3 cup olive oil

In a small bowl, add all the spices and the olive oil and stir until combined.  Then place the roast on a roasting pan or in a roasting rack inside a 13x9 inch pan.  Baste the entire roast with the spice and oil mixture.

Cook the roast in a 425 degree oven for 15-20 minutes to give the cooking a kickstart, then reduce the heat to 300 degrees and continue to roast until the internal temperature hits 122 degrees, about 2 - 2 1/2 hours for a 7-8 pound roast.  At that point remove it from the oven, place a tent of tin foil over the meat and then lay a couple of dishtowels over the tin foil.  This will create a miniature oven so the carryover heat can do it's job.

And now,  the most vital part of the process.... patience.

It will smell delicious, it will stir every ounce of the carnivore within you.  But you must refrain with every fiber of your being from slicing into that for at least fifteen minutes.  You'll need to leave the thermometer in the roast, cover it in tin foil and let it cook the rest of the way on the counter.  There's so much heat in that slab of meat and in the pan it sits in, that the residual heat will carryover and raise the temperature to the final internal temperature of 130 degrees.  This should take that requisite 15 minutes, but as soon as it hits 130, remove the foil and let it sit for another 10 minutes.  This will allow the juices to relocate inside the meat and hunker down.  Slice it too soon, and your carving plate will be full of the meaty juices and your roast will not.

So buy a Prime Rib and cook it for the holiday masses.  Just Remember:  NO cutting the roast until after it rests or it'll go all Game of Thrones Red Wedding on you.

Save Some Serious Money on Your Spices

Save Some Serious Money on Your Spices

Cooking spices have some powerful mojo.  They're one of the reasons Columbus and all of the other explorers were looking for a shortcut to the Orient.  Wars have been fought over access to them.  Spice trade routes from Europe to Asia were guarded by hundreds of soldiers to ensure the continual flow of spice.  To manipulate a quote from Dune, "Spice must flow".  People have paid small fortunes through the years so they could punch up their bland diets.

And even today, ounce for ounce, they're still extremely expensive if you buy the little bottles in the cooking aisle of your grocery store.  Go to your kitchen cabinet right now and pull out a bottle of cinnamon.  Check the net weight on the front label.  Mine says 2.25 ounces.  And how much did you pay for it?  I think I paid around $5.00 for mine.  Now, do a little math and you'll see that when you buy it in the pre-packaged containers, you're paying the steep price of $35.00 per pound.  You can buy a lobster and a dry aged steak for that price!

And seriously, what are you paying for?  That little shaker bottle and the packaging.  Actual spice prices are cheaper than they've ever been, since long exploratory maritime voyages are no longer necessary.  But the spice cartels are still in place, forcing you to buy prepackaged miniscule amounts for large sums of money.  It doesn't make sense to pay and arm and a leg for spices, since you can get shovelfuls of spices for the same price as a small McCormick's container... if you know where to go.

Now before you buy your spices, you need something to put them in.  Your containers need to be airtight and allow for easy access either through scooping, pouring or shaking.  What I use are these little spice bottles.  The top screws on and off easily, so I can fill them quickly.  One side allows me to shake out just the amount I need, while the other side lets me pour out enough to fill my measuring spoons, or just dump a good deal into the target sauce.   I'll apply a basic label that you'd find at any office supply store and cover it with clear scotch tape to prevent fading.  The best part: they're very economical, a little more than a dollar a piece. Considering the $5.00 you're spending for the cheap plastic bottles that you've been throwing away when the spices are gone, they're great for your wallet and the environment.

There are other options as well.  I've seen people employ a tin system.  They'll pour all the spices into the tins and then either scoop or pinch out just the amount you need.  I've even seen people mount strips of magnetic material in their cabinets so they can have the spices stick to the inside of the door.  Very clever and efficient.  Personally, I like the convenience of the shaker bottles, but these are a completely viable option.

Now, if you're going to be buying any spice, it's better to buy it in bulk.  And a number of grocery stores allow you to do this in either their organic or bulk section.   I will pick mine up and the local Winco Foods, but you can go to any grocery store and do a little searching.  They have a nice variety (pretty much everything I've ever used) and store them all in airtight containers.  This is vital.  The longer the spice is stored in the open air, the less potent they will be. So when you scoop the spices into the bag, make sure you seal them as soon as possible.  When you get home, fill your spice containers and transfer the leftover amounts to labelled ziploc bags.  Store them in your pantry or your storage room downstairs (if you have one).  Make sure to add the spice to your grocery list when your ziploc is empty, not when you empty the container for the last time.  Nothing's worse than running out in the middle of a recipe, which usually means a quick trip to the store, purchasing a small bottle in a pinch and stuffing money into the spice cartel's pocket.


How much can you save buying spices in bulk?  Well, cinnamon at Winco is $4.29... a pound!  That's $31.00 cheaper than a pound of the spice in the little bottles.  True, no one uses a pound of cinnamon at a time, unless you and 75 of your closest friends are trying the Cinnamon Challenge at once (just don't do it..., trust me, it's not worth it).  But if you buy the same amount that's in those prepackaged bottles, 2.25 ounces, that will set you back all of 60 cents.  That's a savings of $4.40.  Let's say you want to make a pumpkin pie and you don't have any cinnamon, nutmeg or cloves.  You could spend $13.00 for the three bottles of spices, or you could by the same amount in the bulk section for $1.85.  It's your choice...

Now there's even a cheaper way to purchase a LARGE amount of spices.  There are a number of companies online offering to sell you spices at discount prices.   I've purchased through the San Francisco Herb Company and have been pleasantly surprised with the results.  The prices are great!  For example, cinnamon is $2.90 a pound.  But beyond that, they have all sorts of other cooking goodies as well, such as teas, botanicals, dried vegetables, scneted oils and even extracts for extremely good prices.  Extracts are notoriously expensive, but the prices here are very reasonable.  And every spice I received from them was high quality and flavored every dish perfectly.


I know you don't want to do buy a pound of cinnamon, because it may take a year or more to use.  But, you can do what I did...  My whole family got together, listed all of the items that they wanted, placed one large combined order and split the cost and spices when they arrived.  I spent $20, the cost of four of those prepackaged bottles at the grocery store, and received 20+ different spices in quantities that lasted over a year.  So if you have a cooking club, relief society group, church group, book club, or any other large organization, get everyone together and place a mass order.  You'll save a ton of money and maybe share some recipes along the way.  


But no matter which road you go down, be it bulk at the store or bulk over the web, avoid the prepackaged bottles.  They're overpriced and downright unnecessary.  Buy large quantities at the lower price, store them in a cool dry place in ziploc bags, and repurchase when the bags are empty.  You'll always have what you need and save enough money to afford a surf and turf dinner a couple of times a  year.

Kitchen Wedding Gift Suggestions and a Great Amazon Store

BIG ANNOUNCEMENT!!!!

We now have an AMAZON STORE!!!

Yes, you can now visit the That Means We Get Pie Amazon Store and buy anything, and I mean ANYTHING in the Amazon World!  

My Amazon Store does have a kitchen theme.  I've created a few mini-stores that specialize in items mentioned in the blog.  Want the fondue equipment that was mentioned in the Romance Posts?  All the options are there.  Likes the 5 Favorite Cookbooks post and want to try one of them?  They're available in one click.  Need a good pizza stone to make a Barbecue Chicken Pizza?  Check out my recommendations in the Pizza Making section.

But if you want any other kitchen item... or a book... or a door handle for a 2001 Oldsmobile Alero... or you want to pre-order the Avengers Blu-Ray?  You can do all of that here!  It WON'T cost you one red cent more than what you would pay by going through the regular site.  Get it, no extra cost to you!  And if you have a Prime Account, you still get all of the perks, like free shipping, etc.  The only difference is that Amazon kicks a little bit of their profit from the purchase you were already going to make to us.  So every time you purchase something through my Amazon Store, you're donating to the Johnson Boys College fund.  And you've seen my boys, they're CUTE!  They deserve to go to the best school they can.

So please contribute to the kids' college fund today and make your next, and all subsequent Amazon purchases through my Amazon store.

Now, onto the post....

It's wedding season.  Yes, June is lousy with wedding after wedding where beautiful young couples promise eternal love and devotion.   For some (like mine), it will be a lifelong journey of happiness and joy.  For others (like my first marriage), it will be referred to as the "starter marriage", the "trial run", or the "mistake".

But no matter what is in store for the happy couple, you have a responsibility.  You have to buy them a gift.  

Now they may be registered somewhere like Macy's, Target, Bed Bath and Beyond, etc.  And they will have a wish list a mile long.  Some items are useful, some absolutely worthless.  I accompanied one of my friends when they registered at Target.  While most of the selections were items that would truly help out, we were so punchy by the time we were done, we started zapping all sorts of stuff with the scanners, like Lucky Charms, toilet paper and a five pound bag of gummi bears.

But sometimes, the couple may not know exactly what they want.  Especially here in Utah.  There are so many kids getting married between the ages of 19-21.  I'm guilty of doing that myself the first time.  And for most of these kids, they're going from mommy and daddy's house to their first apartment.  They've never had to build a kitchen from scratch, so they have no clue what's good and what's not.

So let me give a couple suggestions on what you can get those newbies that will truly help them build not only a function and inexpensive kitchen, but a stockpile of extremely useful kitchen items they'll use for years

Let's start with the essentials: measuring cups.  For your liquid measurements, you could buy the Pyrex or the glass ones.  They work just fine, but if you want to make it easy on the newbies, go with a set of angled measuring cops, like the ones from OXO.  They sell a 3 piece set for $20 (the perfect wedding gift price for an acquiantance or a distant cousin) that includes a one, two and four cup size.  Why are they the best?  They have an edge on the inside that displays the measuring markings, easily viewable from above.  That means no filling the cup and then holding it up to eye-level to see if you have enough, and then filling it more, checking it, filling it more, etc.. I have this set and they are my workhorses.  And you can buy them in my Amazon store...

Next, the dry measuring cups.  Honestly, any brand will do.  They can be metal, plastic, melamine, glass, whatever.  But when you're buying dry measuring cups and spoons, there is one feature that is mandatory.  The labels of the cups and spoons must be molded into the material or cut into the handles.  Why?   Have you ever bought a set that has the measurements painted or printed on?  How many trips through the washer did it take before they wore off?  Mine started wearing in about 10 washes, and the measurements were gone by the 25th wash.  Don't force them to guess which ones is the 1/3 cup and the 1/4 cup. vSo spend a couple extra bucks and buy ones with clear measurements that are physically part of the cup.

What about cookie sheets?  You'll use them for cookies, breads, french fries, etc.  But theres one style of cookie sheet that has additional usages.  Take a look at these flat sheets.  Yes, they can be used for cookies, but they also work well for pizza making.  Since there are no edges, you can construct a pizza on it, then slide the pie off onto a pizza stone to cook.  Then when it's done, you can scoop the sheet under the pizza and extract it from the stone, just like you would with a pizza peel.  Most are insulated as well, so there's less of a chance of burning items.  Perfect for the amateur chef.

And speaking of pizza stones, they make great gifts because they are great multitaskers.  They do give pizza a great crispy bottom and are great for other bread baking, like baguettes or bread bowls.  But they improve the operation of your oven.  If you leave your pizza stones on the bottom rack of your oven, they'll heat as you preheat the oven.  Once they heat up, they'll radiate heat themselves and help maintain an even amount of heat in your oven.  Considering the high quality ovens that can be installed in your basic starter apartment, anything you can do to help in it's operation is a great idea.

We've discussed digital thermometers before and if the bride and groom haven't cooked anything beyond Kraft Mac and Cheese, ramen or Hot Pockets, the thermometer is essential.  It'll allow them to attempt some more complicated meals, like a roast turkey and ensure that it's cooked all the way through.  Nothing like preventing a bad case of samonella.  And it's an absolute necessity if you're going to fry anything.  So a really good basic digital thermometer is great.  There a huge variety of them online, have I mentioned that you can get this stuff through the Amazon Store?

What's the best cutting board for the new couple?  If they're just starting out, go with the plastic sheet cutting boards.  Why?  Well, they can be rolled up and tucked into any postage stamp-sized apartment kitchen. And they can survive a run through the dishwasher and come out sterile.  If either the bride or groom have some experience, think about a bamboo cutting board.  The material will be extremely kind to those new knives they'll receive from that one aunt and they're extremely easy to clean.  

And finally, maybe you want to get them something that'll help them rekindle the romance every so often.  A couple good ideas are a fondue pot or a picnic backpack.  The new fondue pots aren't just for fondue anymore.  They have specific heat controls that can allow you to boil a broth for cooking bite-sized meats, or go low and slow to keep a queso dip or an artichoke dip at a perfect temperature for any party.  They're also non-stick and completely submergable for easy cleaning.

The picnic backpacks?  They're completely frivolous.  But they're great for the romantic dinner in the park, a concert up at Red Butte Gardens, or even a lunch up the canyons near a waterfall.  Today's models include all of the linens and table settings you need, but they also have insulated pockets, thermoses and wine cozies, so everything can stay at the perfect temperature.  They're not cheap, but if you are close to the betrothed, it worth it to buy them something nice like this.

So there are a few wedding suggestions I have.  Yeah, they may not be on everyone's bridal registry, but trust me, they'll appreciate them much more.  And if you're going to buy these or any item through Amazon, please do it through our Amazon Store.  Doesn't cost you a penny and you're contributing to my kids' college funds.  Thanks!

Freezer Meals / Small Preparation Meals For Family Emergencies

With little Kaleb's birth last month, as with any birth, your world gets turned upside down.  Sleep schedules are destroyed, anyone with the slightest sniffle is quarantined and you hole up in the house for the first few weeks.

And when it comes to eating, well, your kitchen is usually an afterthought.  We lucked out and had family and friends help by bringing dinners by, but that lasted for about a week.  After that, you have to find a way to feed the family with very limited time and a mental state that barely allows you to read the numbers on the stove dials.

To cover those nights, it's best to prepare ahead of time so you don't have to call out for delivery every night.  Freezing meals work the best.  Especially if you portion them out perfectly.  But there's also a number of meals that can take just a few minutes of prep that will pay off later on.. 

So here are my favorite recipes from the blog that you can either prepare and freeze ahead of time, or assemble in 10 minutes or less and let cook all day long.

Freezer Meals / Small Preparation Meals For Family Emergencies

Enchiladas - Freezable item - 60-80 minutes baking time - You'll assemble the enchiladas beforehand just as you would normally, but you'll prepare them in disposable tin foil pans. Tin foil cookware will become your best friend in the next few weeks. The 8x8 pans are the perfect portions for 2-4 people (4 flour tortilla enchiladas or 6 corn tortilla enchiladas) and when you're done with them, toss them in the recycling bin. Use paper plates and then there are no dishes to do. Oh, and if you like the Spanish Rice, make a batch of it at the same time.  That's freezable as well.

Beef Roast - 10 minutes to assemble, 9-24 hours to cook -  A whole roast?  Isn't that a Sunday meal?  Yes, it's a big meal, but you can put everything together in a few minutes and let it simmer in the crock pot all day.  Just add all the cans of liquid and dry soup, stir until combined, and put the fully frozen roast in the crock pot.  Set it on Low and let it cook.  Should take about 5 minutes.  When there's three hours left in the cooking, pour in 1 pound of baby carrots and 4-5 potatoes that have been sliced into 1 inch cubes.  They'll cook to soft perfection by the time you're ready to eat.  You get a complete and filling meal with very little work.  And you can hold onto the leftovers for another night, or make into sandwiches.

Italian Meatballs with Marinara - Freezable item, whatever cooking time you want - Best thing to do is bake up a batch or two of these, allow them to cool and toss them into freezer bags. Now there are a number of low-effort ways to warm them up when needed. You can nuke them, along with a bottle of marinara sauce (used out of necessity) for a very quick and dirty meal. Or if you have 5 minutes of prep time available, grab a stock pot, add the ingredients for the quick and easy marinara, dump the frozen meatballs into the sauce and let it simmer over medium low heat for a couple hours. An even easier way is to do the same in a crock pot. Add the marinara and meatballs in and cook on low for 3-4 hours. When you're ready to eat, load them up in hoagies or use it to cover some noodles.

Calzones - Freezable item, 20 minute baking time - The recipe is for Barbecue Chicken Calzones, but you can stuff them with whatever you want.  Go with some quick and easy marinara, and ingredients you love and a bunch of mozzarella cheese.  You'll prepare your calzones days ahead of time, just as the recipe describes.  But instead of cooking for the full time, cook for 8-10 minutes and remove from the oven.  Allow them to cool completely and add to freezer ziploc bags.  When you are ready to comsume them, bring them out of the freezer and allow them to thaw for three hours.  Then pop them into the oven for 10-15 minutes to complete the process.  Nuke some marinara and use it for dipping.

Stuffed Shells - Freezable item. 60-70 minute baking time.  This recipe makes a LOT of shells, almost three meals worth for a family of 3-4.  So if you're planning of freezing it, I suggest changing it up a bit.  Maybe stuff a dozen or so with portabello mushrooms, pepperoni and cheese, like the recipe says.  Then maybe brown up some Italian sausage and insert a generous portion into the shells along with the cheese mixture.  And then if you want to go the vegetarian route, you could mix 1/2 cup of chopped spinach, 1/2 cup diced mushrooms and and 1/4 diced peppers into the remaining cheese and cram it into the remaining shells.  That way the recipe won't be redundant and boring if you eat it three nights in a row.

Beef Vegetable Soup - 10 minutes to assemble, 9 hours to cook - Very similar to the Roast process. You will need to cube a few potatoes and slice up your onions, but after that, it's a matter of dumping everything into the cooking vessel. You'll add all of the cans of liquid into the crock pot, pour in precut stew meat, small sliced frozen carrots, the other prepared veggies and spices, and then cook on low all day long.  The house will smell awesome.  Also, there's enough to feed everyone and maybe have a bowl or two of leftovers for another dinner or lunch.

Tamales - Freezable item, short cooking time - This has the longest pre-preparation time, but probably the best return.  Once you've created the large batch of tamales, steam them and then toss them in the freezer ziplocs and wait...  When you're ready to consume them later, nuke them wrapped in a moist paper towel for about 3-4 minutes.  And you're done!  If you want some sides, make a batch of Spanish rice beforehand, freeze it, and then nuke it as well.  Microwave a bowl of refried or black beans out of a can for 2 minutes and you'll have a complete Mexican Meal in 8 minutes and a clean stove!

Lasagna - Freezable item, 60-80 minutes baking time - You'll be able to create 2 8x8 pans of lasagna from the recipe.  I'd recommend increasing the sauce to the following:
6 14 ounce cans of crushed tomatoes
3 1/2 tablespoons dried basil
4 cloves of garlic, minced
That way you have some additional sauce to keep them moist.  Build your lasagnas in the extremely efficient 8x8 tin foil pans so there's no cleanup.  Cover them in foil and cook them covered for the first 60 minutes, then remove it for the last bit of cooking.

So build up your freezer reserves in preparation for a big day... or just have a few things ready to go on those nights you absolutely don't want to cook.

Food Nerd vs. Food Geek, Which is correct?

Someone asked me recently whether I consider myself a Food Geek or a Food Nerd.

Well... that's a harder question to ask than you would think, because there are so many stereotypes out there.  Some people see Geeks as the sweaty, unkempt, parent's-basement-dwelling social rejects that only emerge for the next Lord of the Rings movie.  Some people see Nerds as pocket-protector-wearing, high-waisted semi-scientists who expound on scientific principles that no one understands.

But in my opinion, this is completely wrong.  Being a geek or a nerd has nothing to do with dress, hygiene or the number or writing utensils you may carry.  To me, it's the way you love what you love.  I see the difference thusly...

Geek - A person who is interested in, religiously follows, and revels in their love of an aspect of life. Their focus is usually not necessarily geared toward an academic or intellectual end, but more toward the sheer enjoyment of the activity.

Nerd - A person who is interested in, religiously follows, and revels in their love of an aspect of life or existence, but their focus is geared more toward the intellectual or academic aspect of the devotion.  They see it almost like a case study or science.

You see, both terms are a positive outlook on the person.  Neither are an insult, but a sub-classification of someone who enjoys something.  And this definition also allows you to be both at the same time.

And guess what?  EVERYONE is either a Geek or a Nerd in one facet of their life!!!  Yes, even you.  Think about it.  You have some sort of hobby, favorite show, activity that takes up at least an hour or two a week.  No matter if it's Star Trek, baseball, cooking, scrapbooking or the study of small frogs.. Congratulations, you're a geek or a nerd about that topic! My wife is a Scrapbooking Geek, but a Quilting, Baking and Flower Nerd.  My brother is a Golf Geek and an Outdoors Nerd.  Hell, my 71 year old father is a John Wayne Geek and an Utah History Nerd.  Doesn't matter the pursuit, you will be a nerd or geek.  Just some have become more socially acceptable.

To illustrate the difference between the two, I present the following.  Let's start with something everyone is familiar with, and something I was into as a kid, Star Wars.

The Star Wars Geek - This person has loved the films since they were a child.  As kids, they had as many of the toys as possible and owned multiple copies of the movies.  They've watched the films multiple times and can quote them at a moment's notice.  Some of their toys may still be in the basement as reminders of thier childhood. Yes, they may get together and dress up like Jedis, but they don't inflict their geekdom on others who just don't care.

The Star Wars Nerd -  This person has loved the movies since they were a child.  But beyond just watching them, they've studied other aspects.  They've seen all the documentaries on the Blu-ray discs.  They may have read the other books and novels.  They've may have even gone to Skywalker Ranch and toured the facility (or watched them stage some of the special effect scenes using a high-powered telescope from his uncle's mountaintop home just above the ranch when he was 6 years old, but that's an AWESOME story for another day).  Yes, they may know a great deal about this topic, but they don't inflict it upon people who do not wish to discuss it.

You'll notice that in each case, they may be doing things that seem extreme to people outside their circle of geekdom or nerdiness, but they don't effect those people negatively.  Yes, some people use either the term Geek or Nerd in a derogatory fashion.  Everyone can be guilty of it.  We've seen sports fans scream "NEEEEEERRRDDD!" Orge-like at Dungeon and Dragon players for their role-playing game, even though they have their own life-consuming version of role-playing called Fantasy Football.   And Dungeon and Dragon geeks ridicule football players for their choice of a violent sport when their 18-00 level Strength Barbarian mows through a oncoming horde of orcs with his vorpal sword, spraying blood and guts as far as the eye can see.  Anyone who disses the legitimiate love of a geeky or nerdy pursuit is wrong.

And beyond that, anyone who takes their obsession to an extreme and forces it upon others is also in the wrong.  People who do that fall into a completely separate category....

Jackass - (pronounced as Joe Flaherty does in Happy Gilmore) - Anyone who takes their Nerdiness or Geekiness to an extreme and annoying level. This is the person who would normally be a geek or nerd, but has at least two of the following four fatal flaws:
1. He has no sense of humor about the thing he loves.  The focus of his love is revered and taken WAY too seriously.
2. He inserts his geekiness/nerdiness where it does not belong.  Even though others may not care at all, he'll rattle on about it for hours, boring all those around him.
3. He belittles others for not knowing as much as he does about the topic, or he belittles others for liking something else.
4. He allows his enjoyment to turn into an obsession that takes time away from his family, friends, or personal well-being.

In the Star Wars example, you could dress up as a Stormtrooper or a Jedi for a movie premiere and still not be a Jackass. As long as you're not bothering the people around you or missing your kid's band recital to sew your Han Solo outfit, you're still a Geek or Nerd.

Watch the Triumph the Insult Comic Dog visits the Attack of the Clones line short on YouTube to see an illustration of the difference between Geek/Nerd and Jackass. All of the people in costume that are laughing at Triumph's jokes are Geeks or Nerds.  The gentleman in the Yankees Jacket with a  Lightsaber and the Qui-Gon Jinn acting out the scenes in the middle of the sidewalk are borderline.   The Wizard is definitely a Jackass.

Another example of being a Jackass happened at work.   There's this one guy who sees himself as a big movie afficianado and portends to know everything there is about pop culture and science.  He watched Captain America.  He really liked it except for one thing, which destroyed his entire image of the movie...

"Well, I just don't understand how they could make the shield bounce off the surroundings as they did.  I mean, it just doesn't follow the laws of physics.  There's no way anyone could have it bounce off a soft surface, like someone's chest, and then return to them in a boomerang fashion.   Only a child would just dismiss that."

OK, so you're willing to accept the fact that in the 1940's, government agents were capable of creating a super serum that would morph a 5' 7", 120 pound man into an elite fighting machine.  You're willing to accept that the Nazis were able to do the same, but their super soldier's face transformed into a bony, skinless crime against nature.  You're willing to believe that there a 4" cube of a magical energy could power the world once it was harnessed properly.  You'll believe that a "99 pound weakling" could pull off multiple feats of military skill with really no formal training.  And you'll completely accept that a man could crash a giant flying wing into the arctic at over 150 miles an hour, but instead of dying, be frozen into a block of ice and successfully revived 70+ years later with no major damage to his body.  And after all of that, your mind can't deal with a shield bouncing a little weird off a wall???   Really???  That destroyed your enjoyment of the movie?  I feel sorry for you.  I reference the lyrics from the Mystery Science Theme 3000 Theme song:

If you're wondering how he eats & breathes, 
And other science facts...(la! la! la!) 
Then repeat to yourself its just a show, 
I should really just relax

Basically, you can be as extreme in your love as you want, just don't be a jerk!

Now geekiness and nerdiness extends into any pursuit.  Think about car enthusiasts.  They use the term "Enthusiasts", because they have a good Marketing department.  Really, they're Car Nerds or Car Geeks.  But here's how they can fall into each category.

Car Geek - I have a friend who loves Land Rovers.  He has one and is attempting to rebuild another in his free time.  He also goes on yearly excursions to Southern Utah with other "Enthusiasts" and have a great time.  He's cultivated a great group of friends across the country and he even involves his kids.  But he never lets his love for the cars interfere with his personal life.

Car Nerd - I have a friend who runs an online auto magazine.  Check it out here.  He's becoming a great resource when it comes to all sorts of things car-related.  He researches all sorts of brands, goes to the car shows and have developed some great relationships across the industry.  He openly shares his knowledge with anyone who wants to listen, but doesn't inflict it upon others.

Car Jackass - Someone driving around with Truck Nuts or a Peeing Calvin Sticker, urinating on another brand name.  Also, someone who cares for their car more than they do their family and friends.  Guys who spend all Saturday and Sunday washing, waxing and detailing their car while the kids sit in the house, bored out of their mind. Anytime your obsession begins to control every aspect of your life, you become a jackass.

In the world of Food, the distinction between Geek, Nerd and Jackass is pretty distinct.

Food Geek - Adam Richman of Man vs. Food.  He openly expresses his love for food, knows a great deal, and will try almost anything.  He shares his experiences in a very positive and likable way with everyone he meets and puts the focus on the people who create the magic.

Food Nerd - Alton Brown of Good Eats/Iron Chef America.  His knowledge on food and food preparation is encyclopedic and he shares it in a very positive way with others.  His Good Eats series is a great teaching mechanism and he delivers his message laced with humor and reverence to those before him (Julia Child, Louis Pasteur, etc.)

Food Jackass - Gordon Ramsay from Hell's Kitchen.  Yes, he may be extremely skilled and very knowledgeable, but he dismisses those not as skilled as he is, has no sense of humor and his trademark is his abhorrent treatment of everyone around him.  The Trifecta of Jackassery.

So what am I?  Well, right now, I'm probably 80% Food Geek and 20% Food Nerd.  I really love cooking and tinkering in the kitchen just because it's fun (geekiness).  But I'm starting to collect a lot of knowledge on specific cooking styles and some of the science behind it (Nerdiness).  And above all else, I like to share my knowledge when it's asked for.  Everyone can cook and I know many people who do, but if they'd rather grab a Subway sandwich, that's cool.  (Non-Jackassery).

The simple fact is the geeks and nerds now rule the world.  Everyone in this world has something that they are geeky or nerdy about.  And that's completely fine.  Just as long as you don't lose your sense of humor about your "thing". Don't belittle others for not understanding you "thing" and don't assault someone else's "thing" out of spite,  And above all else, don't let your love turn into an overriding obsession (i.e. becoming a Jackass). Follow those simple rules and you're fine.

So no matter what you think you are, a geek or a nerd, know that both of them are badges of honor that should be cherished.  Let your geek/nerd flag fly proudly and scoff at those would belittle the loves of your life!  Know that they have their own flag that they are too scared to display out of fear of ridicule.  And for that, they are true Jackasses.

Help your girl win the My Guy Loves Me More competition

Yes, it's time for Valentine's Day.  I can hear the disheartened moans from most of the men out there.  I know that many of you hate this time of year, that it's a holiday generated by the greeting card companies to take all of your hard earned money away.  But you know what?  While a valid point... no matter how or why it was created, it's now publicly accepted as a day to show your love to your significant other.  So suck it up, whining about it won't change anything.

Since it's become National Date Night, it's very important to the ladies.  And there's no better way to score points with the girls that to show you care about what's important to them.  So I have 10 tips on how you can make this day extremely memorable.

Ten Valentine's Day Tips

1. Get flowers, but make it SPECIAL - We've discussed this before in our Stuffed Chicken Parmesan recipe.  Don't just buy the generic red roses.  Red roses are the sign of a moron who waited until the last minute, or someone who just doesn't care.  Take the time to find out what her favorite colors and favorite flowers are.  Some ladies really like other types of flowers as well, which can work really well since roses are outrageously expensive this time of year.  Liz loves the light pink roses, the circus roses (a fire orange rose with red accents), and stargazer lilies.  And since the office can become a sea of red roses at Valentine's Day, why not have her stand out with something customized to her tastes?

Which leads me to the next secret of flowers - Costco.  It's a very inexpensive option, and you can get two dozen roses around $14.00 almost any other time of the year.  Of course, Valentine's Day forces the prices up a bit, but it's still cheaper than the florists.  And best of all, they're fresher.  You never know how long those flowers in the florist's flower coolers have been sitting there.  They could die tomorrow.  But every batch I have purchased at Costco has lasted at least a week if I trim the ends with a pair of scissors and add the plant food to the water.

Finally, there's one other accent you can add.  Go buy a special vase.  Something beyond just a basic plastic vase.  Something she thinks is pretty.  I was lucky enough to find a vase that matched her china pattern for around $25.  Why get one?  Well, you give her the vase and then promise to fill it with flowers every Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, Birthday and Anniversary.  She'll keep that vase as safe as her wedding ring.  Best of all, it'll look great in front of others when she shows off her flowers, which leads to....

2. Deliver the flowers to work or a public place - If your special lady works, the BEST thing you can do is deliver it to her office yourself.  Why?  Well, I was told by a few co-workers a few years ago that Valentine's Day is a cutthroat competition among the women, properly named "My Guy Loves Me More ".  And trust me, you want your girl to win this game, or at least place in the top 5.

Points are allotted to each woman according to the public attention heaped upon her in front of "those bitches in the office".  The girl with the most point wins.  How can your lady score points? 

Point Values

Card - 1-3 points - depending on the message on the inside
Decoration of desk - 1-5 points, depending on extent and cuteness of decorations.
Balloon bouquets - 2-5 points, depending on size and visibility to the rest of the office
Candy/Chocolates - 2-5 points, depending on size and quality of chocolate, ability to share with others that did NOT get any (flaunting) can score a few more points
Flowers - 5-15 points - depending on visibility, color, and beauty
Gift - 1-20 points - completely dependent on what the gift is
Lunch - 5-10 points - epending on location and price
Jewelry - 1 to 100 - depending on carat size, metal, and he ability to show it off to her coworkers
Performance (singing telegram, stripper-gram) - -10 to 10 points - completely dependent on her comfort with the idea and how it may effect the office.

Other factors effecting final score:

Embarrassment (-1 to -15 points) - Anything like dead flowers, deflated balloons, or an extremely bad  singing telegram can become office legend.  And can rack up negative points quickly.
Size (-10 to +20) - Size matters, but it matters more today.  The larger the better.  It's best if you can see your gifts from across the office. And woe be unto you if you undershoot.  Hell hath no fury like a woman who was mocked all day by that skinny little witch in the cubicle next to her because you gave her three less flowers.
Personal Appearance (possible 2-30) - Possibly the safest and most profitable thing you can do.  Sure, you can have flowers delivered to the office, but there's a certain sense of awe about a guy who will deliver them himself.  And if you have multiple items (flowers with candy/balloon/gift) in hand and plant a big ol' kiss on her before saying a word, trust me, she'll get max points.
Significance - (No defined range)  - Biggest wild card and possibly the most beneficial.  It can turn the smallest gift in the world into the most valuable.

So if you want your special lady to score well, plan on a long lunch.  Buy two dozen of the special flower type at one of the warehouse stores (15 points for flowers + 10 size bonus), arrange them in your special vase (+ 10 significance), attach a card (2 points for card) with a special message (+2 significance), deliver it yourself (+20 appearance bonus), and then take her to a nice lunch for her lunch break (+10 lunch points).  Guess what?  You've just scored her at least 70 points.  She may not win, because some schmuck may play the marriage proposal card, (1,000,000 points, so an automatic win for the girl, but a pretty lame way to propose..).  But you can guarantee she's in the running.

3. Shower, shave, and smell pretty - ESPECIALLY if you're going into her office.  This shouldn't have to be mentioned, but you gotta get any stink off of you.  Yes, you may think you look great, but take the extra time to look ultra-presentable.  Spend the extra 15 minutes in the bathroom to style your hair, scrub off the dirt and for god's sake, use deodorant and her favorite cologne.

4. Do one daily task for her - Yes, you may have certain daily tasks that each of you do around the house.  Maybe it's the dishes, maybe it's feeding the kids in the morning, maybe it's vacuuming.  Whatever it is, do one for her for the few days leading up to Valentines Day.  It's a nice gesture, it gives her a break and maybe some free time to relax.  Trust me, she'll really appreciate it.

5. Spend a little time with the kids - If you want to have some private time on Valentine's Day, you need to spend some time with the kids ahead of time.  Take them out to the park, bowling, mini-golfing, etc.  It shows that you care about them, you get to have some fun with the little ones, and there's no better aphrodisiac than a dad happily playing with his kids.

6. Do the small things - OK, some of these things can seem tedious to the average male, but they're important. When you plan your date, go beyond just dinner and a movie.  There's nothing wrong with that... but if you're going to have a basic game plan, throw some enhancements into the mix.  Open the car door for her.  Have a flower for her to carry around as you walk.  Hold her hand or present your arm.  Kiss her every chance you get, especially in front of others.  Compliment her every chance you get.  Any of the small things can make it that much more memorable.

7. If you give her a gift, give here one that means something -  There's a reason why the Significance variable in the "my Guy Loves Me More" game above is an open-ended point spread.  A present tied to a memory, inside joke or a significant part of your life will mean much more than something she may need.  It doesn't have to be expensive at all.  You could include a  small stuffed animal with another gift if one of your first dates was at the zoo to remind her of that day.  You could give her a really good piece of costume jewelry if she used to play dress up as a child or plays it with her girls today.  Maybe you'll play dress-up with her later.  And if you give her something functional, like a kitchen appliance or a work item, without her specifically saying "Get me this"... well, dude, you're on your own.

8. Re-enact a memorable day - Women are much more cerebral and emotional animals than men are.  The smallest little hint of a past event can spur the great feelings of that day that day.  So why not give her a day she'd love to remember.  For one of our anniversaries, Liz and I went back to Fiddler's Elbow, the location of our first blind date. We agreed to try to act like we did that day.  We were able to keep in character for a while, but eventually we just reminisced about that great day and everything we were thinking.  And that night ended much differently than the first date did, in a very good way.  Just think back to the most memorable days of your life and do what you can to relive that date.  Trust me, she'll love it.

9. Cook her a meal - If you're not going out, then cook her a meal.  Cooking a meal is a great way to show your love.  Why?  Well, in preparing a meal is providing sustenance for someone, and in the most basic sense, you're keeping them alive.  But more importantly, you're taking the time and effort to prepare something special for her.  That dedication can come through in your cooking and make it taste that much better.  It doesn't have to be extravagant, it can be just spaghetti, hamburgers and fries or a steak off the barbecue.  But take the time to do it.

And make sure you set the mood.  Put the flowers on the table.  Serve it on the china you received for your wedding that you never use.  Break out the wine glasses, even if you're not serving wine.  Light the candles and lay out the rose petals (destroy one rose) as decorations.  And when you're eating, make sure the TV is turned off so the attention is on her

10.  DESSERT! - This is the one time of year that dessert is mandatory.  Some people say that chocolate is an aphrodisiac.  Or that the sugar in the dessert give them you a sugar rush to be a little bit more ambitious.  Or maybe it's just a special treat.  But no matter what it is, get a dessert and SHARE it.  So when you reach across for a bite, you can look longingly into her eyes.

My choice for a dessert for a special vacation is a Chocolate Fondue, because you can dip all sorts of things into it... and use the remaining molten chocolate for other purposes later.  And my recipe for this will be posted on the site in just a few days....  WATCH FOR IT!!!  You'll thank me later.

The 5 Cookbooks In My Kitchen

So I had someone ask me how I learned to cook...

I have had no formal training at all.  Sure, I'd love to spend a few months at the Culinary Institute, but I don't have thousands of dollars.

All of my training was done in whatever kitchen I had access to.  My mom taught me a great deal when I was young (see the Coconut Cream Pie post for the story).  There's a lot I learned from practicing, and from burning, overcooking, over-spicing, and generally destroying a number of meals.

But I also learned a WHOLE lot by reading some cookbooks.  Yes, reading a cookbook.  I know that when you're looking for a new recipe, you'll go to the index, find the meal you want to make and just get the details.  But if you have a few free minutes, it's beneficial to thumb through it and see the variety of food out there.  Most good cookbooks will go beyond just the details of the recipe.  They'll explain the steps in more detail, explain the techniques used to create the look and taste of the food, etc.  So not only do you get a good recipe, but it may inspire you to create something new.

A number of years ago, I signed up for a Cookbook Club.  It's a lot like the old CD clubs: get a bunch for free to start and then agree to buy a few more in the future.  I ended up with WAY too many, so now the majority of them sit on a shelf in the basement.  Partially because I don't have room in the kitchen, but partially because they have one or two good recipes and that's it.   Moral: Don't judge a cookbook by its cover.

There are thousands of different cookbooks out there and it's impossible to know which ones are the best.  Now to prevent you from spending $30 on a cookbook that will eventually become a doorstop, let me recommend my top 5 cookbooks.  These are always nearby as reference materials.  They not only have great recipes, but the extras inside, such as conversion tables, technique demonstrations and explanations of the processes will definitely improve your culinary skills.

The 5 Cookbooks in My Kitchen

Better Homes and Gardens Cook Book - "The Old Standby"

This was the first cookbook I was given.  I received it as a wedding present back when I was way too young to get married.  It's a great collection of classic recipes.  But it's not only that.  It's the best basic cooking reference for the amateur cook.  A number of the recipes have variations to show their versatility.  And by showing you how you can mix up a recipe, it can inspire you to be creative as well.  If you know a young couple getting married, this really does make an excellent gift.  Oh, and make sure that when you buy it, you go with the Ring-bound version.  It'll hold up to the wear and tear you'll inflict upon it.

The Best Recipe - "One of the Best Learning Tools"

This comes directly from the Cooks Illustrated Magazine, the people behind America's Test Kitchen on PBS.  This cookbook has a great selection of basic recipes they have developed through trial and error.  And they detail the steps they took to reach their conclusions along with the recipe.  So you can learn a great deal about cooking by just reading the prefaces.  There's a whole series of these books, some focus on desserts, some focus on certain strains, such as Italian or Chinese.  All are good, but if you're going to get only one, start with this one.

I'm Just Here For The Food - Alton Brown - "The Ultimate Teaching Tool"

OK, for some food snobs, what I say next may be sacrilegious.  But I truly believe that Alton Brown has helped out the home chef in the past 15 years as much as Julia Child did for the home chef 30-40 years ago. His show, Good Eats, not only presents some great food, but he explains the science behind it all in a very entertaining way.  Yes, some of rigs and cooking apparati he uses on the show are a little extreme, but for a science geek like me, this kind of complexity is exactly what I need.  I can pull what I want from the show and ignore some of the extraneous items.  This cookbook has great recipes, but it also describes how and why a technique works.  Wanna learn how to fry something?  He'll give you multiple ways to do it and a few recipes along the way.  His entire series of Good Eats books are great.  But if you have a geek in the household that wants to learn how to cook, buy him this.

The Professional Chef - "Learning the Restaurant Tips and Tricks"

OK, now we're to the upper level courses.  This is serious stuff.  We're talking about how to prepare large amounts of food.  We're learning specific, extremely skilled preparation techniques.  We're talking expert level creations. We're talking extremely fancy food.  Yes, I've learned a lot from this book, but I use this one more for inspiration than anything else.  If I get a wild hare from trying something in a restaurant or from seeing something on a cooking show, I'll use this book as my reference guide.  This is also the only cookbook I recommend getting secondhand or from a DEEP discount bookseller.  The cover price is very steep (over $50) so look for is used on Amazon, eBay or any other recycled book seller.

The Best Local Cookbook You Can Find - "Because you gotta go local"

Wherever you live, you should learn to cook like the locals.  Because if you learn about the local food, you'll learn more about the local area.  When I lived in Seattle, I had a great seafood cookbook that unfortunately was lost in the move.  By reading that one cover to cover, I learned what was available in the area, but I also learned why some people prepared what they did.  The cookbook mentioned the Underground, which led me to the discovering about the city's seedy beginning.  Since I'm back in Utah, it's the Lion House Cookbook.  Why, because it's got some local cuisine and it's the Lion House, one of the early homes of Brigham Young and his multitude of wives.  It's now a restaurant run by the Mormon Church and the book has some of the best baked goods you will find.  Basically, no matter where you live, search out some local cuisine and learn more about your area.

So those are my Top 5 for now.  Feel free to get any or all of them.  But go out and find a few of your own. Take a minute in a Barnes and Noble to thumb through a book.  Or better yet, if you see one you like, check it out from your library and give it a trial run. Then go buy it on the cheap online.  Either way, buy one or two and use them to inspire your own cooking.

Seasoned Turkey with Gravy... brine it for a very moist bird

If you've cooked a Thanksgiving dinner or two, then you know how an overcooked turkey can ruin a dinner.  Too long in the oven, not enough time thawing it, or no preparation done to the bird at all and the meat can turn into a spindly, meaty clump of fibers with the consistency of pine shavings.  And just as dry.

And just as embarrassing is cutting into the meat and realizing that the center is still pink inside...

So I discovered a few insurance policies you can enlist that will force the turkey to turn out just the way you'd like.  They may add about 15 minutes of prep time, and you have to start preparing it earlier than normal, but it's definitely worth it.  Especially if you have an aunt/sister/grandmother/mother-in-law/resident B!&@# in the family who likes to critique your cooking.  Have them try a few moist slices from the breast and tell them to suck on the drumstick.

First, completely thaw the bird.  Nothing wrong with using a frozen turkey.  I do it all the time, because I'm not made of money.  But if you don't COMPLETELY thaw the bird, the outer meat will be much warmer than the inner meat will be as you start to cook.  This means one part will be done while the other part is still raw, or one part is properly cooked and the other is as dry as the Sahara.

Second, try brining the meat.  Brining the turkey will force a little more flavor and moisture into the meat, which will give you a better chance of a very moist bird.  It all goes back to your biology class, where you learned that an excess of salt and water on either side of a membrane will always try permeate the tissues to equalize the level of salt on both sides.  Because there's less salt inside the bird than in the brine, it'll suck some through the skin and into the meat, along with some of the water, spices and sugar.  And that little extra salt will help it retain water, like I do when I eat a foot long Italian Sub from Coronado's.  Retained water means more moist meat.  And finally, brining it will help a previously frozen bird thaw completely because it's soaking in water for almost 24 hours..

Third, DO NOT TRUST THE TENDER TIMER!!!!  Tender timers never work correctly.  I've seen a turkey breast reach 175 degrees and the tender timer wasn't anywhere close to popping.  They're no where close to accurate and if you trust them, they will turn your kitchen into a den of lies and a room of shame!  Rely on your handy dandy digital thermometer instead.  Stick it into the thickest part of the breast if you're doing just a breast or stick it into the thickest part of the thigh if you're doing a whole turkey.  And don't let it go over 168 degrees before pulling the turkey out and letting it rest by wrapping it in a towel and some tin foil.  It'll finish it's cooking on the counter and be perfect when you slice it up

A turkey breast or a turkey under 15 pounds will most likely fit in a large stockpot when you brine.  But if you're preparing a very large bird, you'll need a large vessel to soak the turkey (like a 5 gallon Gott drink cooler, keeping ice in it to keep the mixture as cool as it would be in the refrigerator) Then triple or quadruple the brine and water amounts to cover the bird completely in the large water cooler.

Brined and Seasoned Turkey Breast
Prep time is a minimum 4 hours, cook time is around 3-5 hours depending on the size of the bird, so read through completely and prepare properly.

Meat
1 8-14 pound turkey or a large turkey breast

Brining Stage
If you're brining it in a stock pot, one batch of this is enough.  If you are using a Gott cooler for a very large bird, then you'll want to triple/quadruple it.

1 quart water
1/2 cup salt
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 tablespoon thyme
1 tablespoon sage
1 1/2 teaspoon rosemary
2 cloves of garlic, chopped into eighths
2 or 3 more quarts cold water

In a large saucepan, combine the water, salt, sugar and spices.  Turn the heat to high and stir the concoction so the sugar and salt begin to dissolve.  Bring it to a boil and keep it there for 3 minutes, stirring occasionally.  Remove from heat and pour into a large stockpot (or whatever large vessel you've chosen to use soak the bird in).  Add two quarts of the cold water and stir to mix.  Finally, add the turkey , breast side down, submerging as much as possible.  If it won't completely fit, let the legs poke out, but by putting the breast side down, the majority of the meat will still brine.  Cover completely with plastic wrap and soak for at least 4 hours in the fridge (Best if left overnight).

Roasting Prep / Cooking Stage
3 tablespoons butter
2 teaspoons thyme
2 teaspoons sage
1 teaspoon rosemary
1-2 cloves garlic, chopped very fine
Freshly ground pepper

In a small bowl, combine the thyme, sage, and rosemary.  Remove the turkey breast from the brine and thoroughly dry it (use paper towels).  Place it breast side up on a rack in an aluminum foiled lined roasting pan.  Rub the breast with the butter until it is coated.  Sprinkle the spice mixture all over the breast evenly.  Then spread the garlic over the breast as well.  Stuff the bird at this point, if you want (my stuffing recipe is here).  Stick your meat thermometer into the thickest part of the breast if cooking a breast, making sure you don't go more than halfway through the meat.  If you are cooking a whole bird, stick the thermometer into the thickest part of the thigh.  Cover the breast in a tin foil tent and place in a 325 degree oven.  Cooking time will be about 20 minutes a pound, but rely on your meat thermometer.  When the temperature reaches 150 degrees, remove the foil tent so the skin will crisp up.  When it reaches 167 degrees, pull it from the oven, cover it in tin foil and a large beach towel.  The temperature will increase to around 173-175.  When the temperature begins to drop (about a half hour), remove the towel, tin foil and thermometer. 

Now since you have all these wonderful meat drippings captured by our roasting pan's aluminum foil lining, we can make a great gravy.  The drippings are important, not only because they have great turkey goodness in them, but some of the spices have mixed in.  So there is very little you'll need to add to it for some great taste.

Turkey gravy

Turkey drippings

1 tablespoon Cornstarch

8 to 12 ounces turkey broth/stock (substitute chicken broth if you don't have any turkey stock)

Pour the turkey drippings from the bottom of the roasting pan into a small saucepan.  Add the tablespoon of cornstarch and mix together so the cornstarch is incorporated.  This will prevent lumps. Add the turkey broth and turn the heat up to medium-high.  Take it to the boiling point, whisking the mixture occasionally.  Remove from the heat and pour into a serving vessel. Allow to cool for a couple minutes.

So try this recipe out and see if the meat is as moist and tender as it is for me.

Bloody Wine Glasses and the Zombifier

This particular idea was created by my sister-in-law, Annie.  My wife went to one of Annie's big Twilight parties (blech...., to the movies, not to the parties, hers are great) and saw her awesome idea.  To add a little vampiric twinge, she wanted to have goblets that were dripping in blood.  But since she wasn't able to get the real stuff, she decided to use sugar and food coloring instead.  By dipping the rim in the red sugar mixture, it would drip down the sides as it cooled and look great.  Since it's sugar, the "blood" would automatically sweeten up the drinks.  And best of all, all you have do to to remove the leftover blood is to soak it in warm water.  It'll dissolve over a short period of time without a problem.

Here's how to do it, step by step...

Bloody Wine Goblets
Make 2 dozed coated glasses in about 15 minutes

Wine goblets, martini glasses, or any other type of glassware
1 cup sugar
1/2 cup corn syrup
1/2 cup water
Red food coloring
Candy or electronic thermometer

In a small saucepan, combine the sugar, corn syrup, and water and begin the heat it up.  Add the food coloring when the mixture becomes translucent.  Stir in enough red food coloring until it is as dark as you'd like it. Continue to heat the mixture past the boiling point to 285 degrees (make sure you test it with the thermometer, don't guess or it will turn out wrong).  Don't let it go over 290 degrees or it won't drip as well as you'd wish.

Drop the heat to low.  While it's still at temperature, dip the rim of the glasses into the mixture.  Swirl it around so a good amount sticks to the rim.  Gently remove the glass from the sugar and slowly bring the glass back to its full upright and locked position.  Let them set for one hour.  Some of the excess sugar will naturally drip down in the first few minutes, then it will take that long to properly harden.

Store in a cool, dry place until the party is ready to begin and fill with anything you'd like. I recommend adding some dry ice to the bottom of the glass before adding the liquid, so it'll smoke and bubble when the liquid is added.  If you're looking for something dark red, check out my adult raspberry lemonade.  But any basic fruit punch, cranberry juice, wine or red drink you like will work just as well.  For kids, Powerade or Kool-aid of any color works great, and give it a name like Bug Blood (blue or green), Worm Spit (orange or yellow), or Pureed Spider (purple).

And of course, you can use any mixed drink you'd like...

In the photo above, I've used a Cabernet from Chateau Ste. Michele for the wine glass, a little bit of blue punch for the kids, and then made one of my concoctions for the water goblet, the Zombifier.  It's a high alcohol drink guaranteed to make you shamble aimlessly around a social situation.  It's similar to a Long Island with a little color, fruit flavor, and smoke to give it the potion effect.

The Zombifier

1 shot gin
1 shot rum
1 shot tequila
1 shot lemon vodka
For color, either one shot melon liqueur and 1 drop green food coloring for slow zombies (Romero Night of the Living Dead Style)...
or 1 shot raspberry liqueur and 1 drop red food coloring for fast zombies (28 Days Later style)
Ice
Dry ice

Fill a water goblet 3/4 of the way with ice cubes.  Add the gin, rum, tequila, vodka in and stir.  Then add the flavored liqueur and just enough food coloring to get the desired color.  Add the dry ice and stir so it sinks to the bottom and serve as it is bubbling.

So make a set of these glasses for your next party and get some spooky on.

Cutting Boards - More Expensive is not always better

You generally have an idea of how good you are with a knife.  I have the experience slices on my fingertips to prove how much I've practiced.  But I haven't drawn blood in a long time, so I must be getting better.  I can slice, I can dice, I CAN make julienne fries.  And I think my skills are good enough to cut 99% of the way through a lemon without hitting the countertop... 99% of the time.  Liz has seen me do this and does not agree.  She has said, "Either you use a cutting board or when you nick my countertops, you are buying me some granite ones."

So.... I've invested in some cutting boards.  You really should use one whenever you're cutting anything more than one lemon.  Not only does it protect your countertops, but the food has less of a chance to slide around, and conversely, your hand has less of a chance of sliding under the blade. 

There are a number of types of cutting boards out there, and you can spend a LOT of money on them if you want, but you really don't need to.  You can get a couple basic boards that will do almost anything you want and not spend more than about $25.  But first, let's talk about what you SHOULDN'T buy

Marble, Granite or any other stone based cutting board

Sure, they can be really pretty.  No wonder they make them into countertops.  But there's a serious issue with any stone cutting board; they wear your knives down.  How?  Well the reason your knives are so sharp is that they are honed down to a fine edge,  The finer and straighter the edge, the sharper the knife will be and the easier the knife will slice through the food.  Cutting against a hard surface that doesn't have a little give means either the stone has to bend (not likely) or your knife edge will have to bend.  So slicing on stone will either cause the edge to flatten out or bend under the pressure, losing the fine edge you paid oh so much money to get.  If you lose that edge, your knife becomes dull, or worse, they are no longer straight.  Warped knives start catching on the food you try to cut.  This will cause you to push or pull too hard when you cut and if that happens, at some point you will slip and open up your hand, wrist, arm, or innocent bystander. Sure, they're attractive in your kitchen, but beyond a decoration, stone cutting boards really aren't a good tool.

Glass cutting boards

Ah yes, another hard, unforgiving surface.  Glass cutting boards have the same problem that stone cutting boards have.  They're hard enough that the knives will bend or warp over time.  So this $10 cutting board will ruin your $250 knife set in a very short period of time.

On top of that, you're dealing with glass and all the fun that comes along with it.  You drop something heavy on it and it'll shatter.  You drop it in the sink and you're fishing dagger-sized shard of glass out of the garbage disposal.  Drop in on the ground and it's sweeping with shoes on.  So if at all possible, avoid this option as well.

Wood cutting boards

Here's your old standby, and truthfully, they aren't all that bad.  The old style wooden cutting boards are pretty good to have in your kitchen.  Since they are wood, they are forgiving to your blades when you're slicing foods.  And with harder woods, the cuts you make in them almost heal themselves.  They all need to be cleaned thoroughly afterwards to prevent bacteria growth.  But remember that you get what you pay for when it comes to wood.  If you spend $10, you'll probably get one that falls apart. If you choose this route, make sure you spend enough to get one made from a good quality hardwood. 

Bamboo Cutting Boards

I personally own one of these.  If you're going to use a natural material cutting board, this would be my choice.  Why?  You have the advantages of wood without some of the disadvantages.  They're very durable and can take a lot of abuse.  It can handle constant chopping on it and has enough give so the knifes will keep their sharpness.  The price on these are getting more and more affordable.  The one listed to the left is less than $20 for the three-pack of boards.  And if you're environmentally conscious, bamboo is a fast growing grass, and therefore environmentally sustainable. 



Plastic Cutting Board

These can be good options.  You can cut on plastic all night long and have very little damage to your knives.  Most are relatively inexpensive.  And if you want to clean them, you can toss them in the dishwasher.  Some will survive a sterilizing setting, so they can be thoroughly cleaned.  You could also use bleach on these to clean them.  Now there are some studies out there that say bacteria can live in the cut marks of the board and can spread germs if you don't thoroughly clean them.  So make SURE you always clean them thoroughly and often.

Plastic Cutting Sheets

These are the other cutting boards I own.  And they're probably the most versatile cutting boards there are.  I know, they don't have the grandeur and class of the other ones, but hear me out.  First, they're extremely convenient.  They give you a large working space.  They are pliable and soft, so your knifes will not lose their edge.  When you're done with the preparation, just pick up the sheet, bend it in half, and pour the food directly into the pan or pot.  No spillage!  When you're done with one item, like chicken or beef, toss it in the sink and grab another, so there's no risk of cross contamination. And when you want to clean them, put them in the dishwasher to sterilize them.  Now sometimes they can warp in the hottest settings of the dishwasher, so be careful.  And best of all, they're CHEAP!  I bought this 5-pack at Bed Bath and Beyond for $8.  There are thicker ones you can get for about $3 a piece.  Either way, when they eventually wear out, (although the first one I bought 3 years ago is still perfectly functional), recycle them and buy a new one.

I personally own a set of bamboo cutting boards and a set of the plastic sheets.  I use the bamboo board for any vegetables and then use the plastic ones for any meat I need to prepare. 

Now you always have to worry about bacterial contamination with any cutting board.  No matter what it is, you need to make sure you keep it clean.  Now with plastic and glass, you can place them in the dishwasher.  But even then, some little bacteria can attempt to live in the cut marks in the board,  So for everything except wood, make sure you disinfect it with bleach.  As for wood,  make sure you clean the liquid and food residue off of it as soon as possible and then use some antibacterial cleaner to kill all the bad germs.  Also, sanding it down every so often can help remove areas for the little bugs to hide.  No matter what type you have, a clean cutting board should be a priority, unless you enjoy hours in your lavatories reading.

Remember, try to buy something that won't ruin your knives.  Don't spend hundreds of dollars when there are some great inexpensive alternatives out there.   And always CLEAN them thoroughly for your health's sake.

I promise to post a recipe next week.  I'll explain why the how-to posts have been appearing in 7 days.