Santa's Magic Explained through Science and Science Fiction

I have very inquisitive kids.  They ask all sorts of questions, because some of the Santa legends just don't add up in their minds.  We used to rely on the holiday specials, but explanations from stop-motion reindeer and snowmen just don't cut it nowadays.  So I've done my research and I've found real-world ways to explain all of Santa's "Magic".  It's not that's he's a mystical being, he's a man of science.  He's used his resources and large coterie of elves to adapt scientific theories and examples from the world of science fiction to deliver toys to billions of children in one night.  Here are answers for some of the more popular questions posed by my kids.

Santa Questions explained through Science and the World of Geek

*How does he remember what every child in the world wants? – It’s called Eiditic Memory. like Sheldon on Big Bang Theory.  It’s the ability to see or hear something once and instantly remember it forever.  Santa gathers all the information from his helpers, elves, etc., and can recall the wishes of every child (and whether they’re naughty or nice) in an instant. 

Do you want to know how he thinks you’re doing?  He’ll take the time to film a special video for each child that requests it.  Tell your parents to go to www.PortableNorthPole.com and ask Santa to send you an update on how nice you’ve been.  It’s free, and he’ll do it in just a couple of minutes

*Does he really read every letter that's sent to him?  Yes!  Or at least one of his workers does.  Every letter is processed through Santa’s Mailroom, staffed by thousands of data entry specialists and database administrators.  Ever wonder why most of the IT staff at your office seem to go on vacation at the end of the year?  It’s not because they haven’t been able to take their vacation due to endless projects heaped on them by ineffective management.  No, they have a more important job to do! 

There’s a clause in their database certifications that requires them to donate a day, a week, sometimes two weeks around the holidays to give Santa a helping hand.  They’re brought to the North Pole to help build the immense toy list.  When letters are received in the North Pole’s central Post Office, they are individually scanned.  The contents are then read and entered by these IT professionals into the world’s largest database, installed across a server farm that would make Google jealous.   Each request is sorted by child, family, city, and region, creating a comprehensive master toy list that allows the toy fabrication department to be much more efficient.  Santa reviews the list once, then twice, just to look for data anomalies.  He then forwards the toy orders to the massive workshop where the toys are created/received and then stored for delivery. 

Oh, and this also explains why most IT professionals have some sort of toy or plaything at their desk.  It’s not just something to keep their minds occupied after stressful situations.  Each of them is a personal gift from Santa for a job well done during their furlough at the North Pole.  So remember, be nice to the IT techs in your office all year long.  They’re volunteering their time to make sure your kids get exactly what they want.

*How does he know whether you’ve been naughty or nice? – It used to be a lot harder.  Sure, he could use the old-fashioned magic and a network of stealth elves, traveling the world to collect intel.  But with the technological advantages available to him today, he’s created a worldwide data gathering network that puts the CIA to shame.  Sure, the Elf on the Shelfs are still a valuable source of information, but they’re not the only tool at Santa’s disposal.  His Internet Monitoring Project (IMP) allows him to monitor every blog, Facebook page, Twitter feed, and website to see what kind of little boy or girl you are. When Mom posts how you helped her clean the house without being asked, you score some nice points.  Bully someone over the web or post naughty pictures of yourself?  He’ll know your naughty and coal’s coming your way.  He didn’t build the network all by himself.  Thanks to a provision in the Patriot Act, he now has access to all the intelligence gathered by the governments of the world.  Which means the IMP can access any security camera or any cell phone in the world at any time to gather naughty/nice information.  So the next time you throw a fit in the toy aisle of Toys ‘R Us, look up at that security camera.  Santa’s watching…

*How is Santa at every mall, Christmas party, and school at the same time? It’s true that most of the Santas at the malls are Helpers, but his “special” transportation system (explained in the paragraph below) allows him to make many personal appearances in one day.  If he’s not there, then a certified and licensed Santa Helper is there collecting the information for him.  Now these Helpers aren’t collecting the information and personally telling Santa, they’re acting like microphones.  You see, Santa hears, sees and records every child's interaction with a Helper.  It’s all stored in a giant communication system located in his main office.  Think of the giant sonar tracking system in Dark Knight Returns where Batman could turn every cell phone in Gotham into a tracking device.  It’s essentially the same principle.  Santa reviews all of the recorded conversations daily at super high speed.  And with that special Super Sheldon Eiditic memory, he can remember every single request almost instantly.

*How does he visit every house in the world? It is true that hyper-powerered reindeer may have allowed him to make all his rounds in one night in the past. When there were 150 million stops a couple hundred years ago maybe, but with almost 2 billion people to visit, it’s impossible without a little “magic”.  And by magic, I mean science.  You see, Santa has mastered wormhole technology.  If you watched Star Trek: Deep Space 9 or if you listen to Neil Degrasse Tyson’s StarTalk Podcast, you understand that a wormhole is a portal between two points in space that are miles, or even light years apart.  These distant points become much closer if you just fold space, making the journey shorter.  Think of space as being like a large tortilla.  Imagine LA is on one edge of the tortilla and New York is on the other.  Traveling across the face of the tortilla may take a long time, but what if you could fold up that tortilla like a taco?  Then you can just generate a portal from one egde of the tortilla to the other and the trip is infinitely shorter.  Wormholes allows Santa to travel long distances in less than a second.  This makes the reindeer’s job easier too.  While they still pull the sleigh short distances, the elements laced into the reigns contain the catalyst that creates the wormhole.  Santa fires up the wormhole generator and the Rudolph is just along for the ride.

*If Santa flies through the air, couldn't he be hit by airplanes?  It’s been a risk of the job since the 1930’s.  Up until the mid-1990’s, Santa and the airlines had to rely on radar, radio chatter and visual conformations to avoid any unfortunate accidents.  In 1997, there was a close call.  A late flight out of Miami piloted by a man with a little too much egg nog in his system almost caused a mid-air collision.  Dasher lost the top point of his left antler that day. 

This incident spurred a high-level summit with Santa and the President.  A directive was created between the North Pole and NORAD to create a global tracking system just for Santa.  Santa installed the special GPS-like mechanism in the sleigh a few years back and now NORAD can track Santa wherever he may be in the world.

NORAD has made this information public so the airlines can re-route around him.  And you can track his movements on Christmas Eve.  Just go to www.NORADSanta.com to see where he is on his travels.

*How does he carry all the gifts for all of the children of the world at once?  He doesn’t need to, because what he needs is automatically loaded up just as he needs it.  There are two technologies in play to allow this magical just-in-time delivery to occur.

Now all of the presents created in a year are loaded into the massive storage warehouse according to the giant toy list mentioned earlier.  They’re ordered by child and in sequential order of Santa’s Delivery route.

On Christmas Eve, Santa activates a special trans-dimensional gateway between the back wall of his workshop to the inner wall of histoy sack.  It’s a version of his wormhole technology and looks a lot like the gateways generated by the portal gun in the video game conveniently named Portal. 

One gentleman in Washington stole the technology a few years back.  He decided to post a few pictures on his Facebook page, as you can see with this unique Christmas Tree display.  It was reclaimed quickly by a squadron of S.E.A.L. elves and this poor soul has received coal ever since…

Anyway, the portal allows for easy loading of the sack at any moment.  Computers in the warehouse can track Santa thanks to the NORAD GPS.  A series of conveyor belts and robotic arms immediately load the sack with the proper presents according to wherever Santa is in the world.  So once he’s inside, he can unload everything in a flash.

Now I know you’re asking, “But Travis, how does something like a 70” OLED Flat-Screen TV fit in a 9 cubic foot bag?”  That’s where the second technology comes in.  Santa’s been a watching Doctor Who since the Tom Baker days.  Why do you think he gives out so many scarves?  

Anyway, this Northern Lights Whovian loved the idea of the space differential within the Tardis.  “It’s bigger on the inside”.   So he set his elves to creating a satchel that can be easily hefted on the shoulder, but could hold six thousand square feet of gifts at any given time.  

So with the Portal linking the Tardis-like bag to the warehouse, no matter how many presents are being delivered to a household, he can carry it all with ease and unload in a second.  This helps keep him on schedule and avoids massive lower back pain.

*How does he get into my house if I don't have a fireplace?  OK, I know the traditional explanation you’ve heard is similar to what’s seen in the Santa Clause, where he could go down the piping and a fireplace magically appears.  But that’s just myth.  The methods displayed in Arthur Christmas explain how it really happens.  Santa will use any way possible to get into your house.  Sure, your house may be locked, but Santa has a number of ways he can get through a locked door.  

 1) He does employ elves, so if there is any access port large enough, they can get in and unlock the doors from the inside.  Be it a cold air return, a dog or cat door, or a loose window, it can be used for easy access.

2)  If that doesn’t work, he has a liquid metal key, similar to the metal that makes up the T-1000 in Terminator 2.  It changes to fit the lock perfectly and Santa's in the house in seconds.  And I can hear you saying, what if we have a chain lock or some other locking mechanism that doesn’t require a key? Well...

3) Santa has Jedi-like powers.  If Darth Vader can crush a trachea and Luke can pull a lightsaber across the room with a wave of the hand, Santa can flip a lock, move a chain or pull a door brace from the other side of the door.  Jedi powers also explain how he can lay out the presents so fast, easily move extremely heavy gifts and jump up and down a chimney with no effort whatsoever. 

*What snacks does Santa really like? -  It used to be that Santa was just a cookie man, but it’s a little known fact that Santa’s a HUGE fan of the Food Network.  When he some downtime, he’ll watch episodes of Iron Chef America and Good Eats.  Thanks to watching way too much Alton Brown, his palette has expanded and he wants to try every candy and snack in the world. 

He's a big fan of the sweets on Christmas night, only because he's literally covering millions of miles and burning millions of calories.   The customary Sugar Cookies are great, but he'll eat almost anything, like Gingerbread Men, Chocolate Covered Pretzel Sticks, Chocolate Bark, PopcornBalls, Truffles, or anything else you want to make.  (you knew I’d get a recipe link or two in here, didn’t you.)

I hope that these explanations have cleared up even the most persistent child's questions.  Remember, Santa is real, and he's smart enough to adapt to almost any situation using existing science or adapting ideas from science fiction.  If you still have questions, instead of asking your parents how it works, come up with your own theory. I've found that when my kids come up with an inventive way to explain the "magic" of Santa, they're *ALWAYS* right, no matter what.

Frosted Sugar Cookie Pie... or what my warped mind creates when left to its own devices

My brain works in extremely weird ways.  It wanders, it daydreams, it mashes things together that it shouldn't at times.  When I call out to one of the boys, I usually have to go through roll call before I call them by the right name.  I can remember specific times, dates, places and events down to the minute, but I can't remember where I put my car keys.  But sometimes, sometimes, the quirky nature of my brain works to my advantage.

So the other day, when I announced that the Peanut Butter Cookie Pie won the Gygi Not Your Mama's Pie Contest, my older brother asked me to bring one to Christmas dinner.  I can do that, no problem.  It's not the only request.  My little sister wants a Chocolate Cream Pie as well, so that'll make the party as well.

But I need to bring a third pie and I like to do something inventive and experimental for this event.  For a couple of days, nothing came to mind.  Then as I was driving north on Bangerter, my mind stared rolling around ideas and it came to me.  What if I could take a normal Christmas dessert and transform it into a pie... And what did it concoct?  A sugar cookie pie.  I know... Sounds really weird.  But hear me out.

We all like Toll House Cookie Pie.  It's delicious.  The Peanut Butter Cookie Pie is just a variation of that and it's awesome, especially with chocolate sauce or hot fudge drizzled.  So why not make a few tricks to make a new cookie pie?  Do things like swap out the brown sugar for more white sugar to lighten it up.  Add a little more flour to stiffen up the dough.  Pour in a little more vanilla for a boost in the flavor.  And we're going to frost it...

YES I SAID FROST IT!  I know, Insanity!  Blasphemy!  But you know what?  It works.  It makes the whole thing look like a 2 pound cookie slab that may choke Santa out.  You add some sprinkles to the top and it's just downright freaking festive!

And you do have options on the crust.  You can use a standard crust, no problem.  You could also add some chocolate by making an oreo cookie crust, like we have on our Peanut Butter Cookie Pie.  And if you just want more sugar cookie taste, you could just buy a tube of pre-made sugar cookie dough, roll it out flat and use it as the pie crust.

Finally, make sure you have good sprinkles.  Not just the colored sugar, we're talking something colorful and interesting, like the holly leaves or snowflakes.  If we're going to make this thing look authentic, it's got to have the extra flourishes.

Frosted Sugar Cookie Pie

Pie
2 large eggs
3/4 cup flour
1 cup sugar
1 stick of butter, brought to room temperature
1/2 cup butter flavored shortening
2 teaspoons vanilla
1 unbaked 9 inch pie crust


Preheat your oven to 325 degrees.

Beat the eggs in a large mixing bowl until they are foamy.  Add the white sugar and beat on high speed until it becomes creamy.  Add the flour gradually until it is incorporated.  Add the butter and beat it again until it's well blended.  Pour in the vanilla and mix for 15 more seconds.  Scoop the mixture into the pie crust and smooth it out.

Bake in the 325 degree oven for 55-60 minutes or until you insert a toothpick and it comes out without any cookie dough attached.  Let the pie cool completely, then make your frosting.

Frosting
1/2 stick butter
1 cup powdered sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 tablespoon milk
food coloring

Place the butter into a mixer and beat until fluffy.  Add the powdered sugar and slowly mix it in.  Add the vanilla and the milk and mix until thoroughly combined.  Slowly drip the food coloring into the bowl and mix. Repeat until you have the color you want.  Use a spatula to scoop the out the frosting and spread evenly over the cooled pie.

Relive the Greatness of the Peppermint Candy Cane Ice Cream

I'm re-posting this recipe because it's one of my favorites.  It's just not the holidays without some Peppermint Ice Cream and this recipe is simple and better than anything you'll find in tubs in the grocer's freezer...   So enjoy!  New holiday love is coming your way on Monday.

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During the holidays, you're required to cook, bake and roast more than any other time of the year.  There's the large family meals, the gifts for neighbors, the cookies for the kids, the obligatory office snacks so you can appease that annoying person in the next cubicle, etc.  The kitchen can feel like it's reaching 100 degrees, so let's do one last holiday snack that's nice and cool.

Sure, this time of year, you can find tubs of Peppermint Ice Cream from almost every brand.  I've found that Dreyer's isn't too bad at all, but you can make it at home rather easily.  And I really like the extra creaminess of the homemade ice creams, since this recipe uses fresh whipping cream and whole milk.

It's a great thing to make with the kids as well.  Short of the cooking stage, they can do almost everything else.  Let them add the flavoring.  Let them crush the candy canes and add them to the ice cream at the end.  Let them work the ice cream machine as well and help them share the beater when the mixing is all done.

And above all else, make sure you add some hot fudge before serving it.  The heavy chocolate flavor mixed with the fresh and cool mint is a perfect combination.

Peppermint Candy Cane Ice Cream

1 cup whole milk
1 cup whipping cream
1 cup sugar
Red food coloring
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 teaspoon peppermint extract
4 candy canes, crushed

Pour the milk, cream and sugar into a sauce pan and cook to a simmer.  Add enough red food coloring to turn it a candy cane shade of pink.  Remove from the heat, pour into a tupperware bowl and chill in the refrigerator until it's completely cooled.  Crank up the ice cream maker, pour in the cream mixture and add the extracts.

Let the ice cream churn for the recommended time in your ice cream maker's instructions (usually 20-35 minutes or until the mixture thickens.  While waiting, place the candy canes in a large ziploc bag.  Using a rolling pin, tenderizer, nutcracker, or your favorite blunt object, take your grinchiness out on the canes until they are broken into very small pieces.  When the ice cream is almost done, pour in the candy cane bits and let it mix for about one minute.  Pour the ice cream into a tupperware bowl and freeze for another 2 hours.

Serve with hot fudge poured over the top and any other Christmas garnish you want.

So make a batch of this and snack on it when the heat in the kitchen gets too high.

Peppermint Bark, Oreo Bark, Mixed Nut Bark, Bark Like a Dog, etc...

This time of year, snacks start showing up at the office.  And there are some REALLY overenthusiastic people.  Somebody is bound to bring some sort of sweet concoctions that has a title with at least 6 words in it, like Chocolate Caramel Marshmallow Reese's Macadamia Apricot Popcorn Balls.  WAY over the top...  but in a weird way that sounds kind of good....   Or maybe neighbors are delivering all sorts of candy plates to your door and you need something for reciprocation.  How about one of the simplest candies you can make, a chocolate bark.

A bark is a chocolate base with any other sort of ingredient mixed in to add an additional flavor or crunch.
The recipe is very simple and can even be made with your children without putting them in danger, unlike other molten sugar recipes.  You essentially bring the chocolate up to a temperature that will help it temper properly, then add half of the other ingredients directly into the chocolate and stir.  As it cools, you add more of the ingredients as garnish and allow it to cool completely.

And in the past, we've talked about tempering chocolate through a double-boiler.  Which works... but can take some time and increases the hazard of letting water getting in to the chocolate.  Even one drop of water in heated chocolate can cause it to seize up like concrete.  And the mixture of hot pans and three year olds rarely end without a few tears.  Instead you can heat your chocolate in the microwave to save time and unnecessary burns.  Just chop the chocolate up find, nuke it for 30 seconds and stir.  Then nike for another 30 and stir again.  Take it's temperature.  As soon as you hit 115 degrees, your done.  But if it's not there, nuke it in 10-15 second intervals, stir it, and check the temp again.

Once it's at the 115, mix in whatever you'd like and spread it out in a flat surface.  Let it cool, break it out and you've got a tasty candy that looks great on a plate.

The best part about these recipe is that you can add any sort of candy, nut or other crunchy ingredient.  Any type of chocolate can be used in the application.  Use your favorite, or pair up combinations that you believe would taste great.  And the process is FAST!  I made all three of the types listed above in less than an hour.

Here are a couple examples of what you can use.

White Chocolate Peppermint Bark

1 pound white chocolate
2/3 cup crushed candy canes or peppermint candies.

Chop the chocolate into small bits.  Heat the chocolate using one of two methods.  Using a double boiler, heat the chocolate until it melts and reaches 115 degrees.  Or... pour the chocolate into a bowl and microwave for 30 seconds.  Stir and microwave for 30 more seconds.  Stir and cook more, in 10-15 second intervals until it reaches 115 degrees.

Pour in 1/2 of the candies and stir just until incorporated.  Pour the chocolate out onto a cookie sheet lined with parchment paper.  Spread the remaining candies over the chocolate and allow it to cool completely.  Break the chocolate up into pieces and serve.

Milk Chocolate Oreo Bark

1 pound milk chocolate
2/3 cup crushed Oreo cookies, centers removed (about 12-15 cookies)

Chop the chocolate into small bits.  Heat the chocolate using one of two methods.  Using a double boiler, heat the chocolate until it melts and reaches 115 degrees.  Or... pour the chocolate bits into a bowl and microwave for 30 seconds.  Stir and microwave for 30 more seconds.  Stir and cook more, in 10-15 second intervals until it reaches 115 degrees.

Allow to cool for 5 minutes then pour in most of the cookies and stir just until incorporated.  Pour the chocolate out onto a cookie sheet lined with parchment paper.  Spread the remaining cookies over the chocolate and allow it to cool completely.  Break the chocolate up into pieces and serve.

Dark Chocolate Nut Bark

1 pound dark chocolate
2/3 cup chopped nuts of choice

Chop the chocolate into small bits.  Heat the chocolate using one of two methods.  Using a double boiler, heat the chocolate until it melts and reaches 115 degrees.  Or... pour the chocolate into a bowl and microwave for 30 seconds.  Stir and microwave for 30 more seconds.  Stir and cook more, in 10-15 second intervals until it reaches 115 degrees.

Allow to cool for 5 minutes then pour in 1/2 of the nuts and stir just until incorporated.  Pour the chocolate out onto a cookie sheet lined with parchment paper.  Spread the remaining nuts over the chocolate and allow it to cool completely.  Break the chocolate up into pieces and serve.


So make a bunch of these extremely easy chocolate candies and compete with the office chefs.

More Pie Victories!!! The Peanut Butter Cookie Pie won the Gygi Not Your Mama's Pie Contest!

For those of you visiting from the Gygi blog, welcome!  Please feel free to look around, explore the multitude of recipes in the archive, including over 20 other pie recipes and lots of ideas for the holidays.  I'm sure you'll find a number of recipes you'll love!

And for our regular readers; Big announcement!  We have racked up another pie victory!  Our Peanut Butter Cookie Pie won this year's Orson Gygi Not Your Mama's Pie Contest.  You can find the announcement here.  Also if you click on the name of the pie above, it'll take you directly to the recipe for this wonderful dessert.  I'd highly recommend serving it warmed up with a little whipped cream or ice cream and drizzles with either hot fudge or chocolate sauce.This pie now joins the ranks of our other award winning pies.  There's the Peppermint Fudge Pie, which one the 1st Annual X96 Tasty Pie Contest.  Also our Peanut Butter Cup Pie also won last year's Not Your Mama's Pie Contest.

Thanks to Orson Gygi for the high honor and to all of my loyal readers for following us for years.  If you have to bring a pie to a holiday event, try making one of these and see how your guests respond.

Christmas Candy and Cookie Craziness!

For a long time, I had this picture as one of the photos on the blog's header.  That's because when I was done with my Christmas candy creations, we were shocked at the volume we made.  Twelve cookie sheets filled with pretzel sticks, truffles, barks, chocolate covered cherries and all sort of dipped treats, like cinnamon bears, gummi bears and Oreos.  We were making candy boxes for a few dozen people, friends and family of my family, my mother-in-law and sister-in-law.  It was amazing how much work we did in the space of a couple of hours.  And they were a hit with everyone.

If you're looking for some great neighbor gifts, or just need something to give to reciprocate when a co-worker "unexpectedly" gives you a gift, any combination of the items below will work wonders

Now since Thanksgiving came so early this year, we have a few more days this holiday to make snacks for the masses.  Schedule a weekend or at least a Saturday to make what you need.  And then make more than what you need so you can eat whatever you want.

Chocolate Caramel Covered Pretzel Sticks

These are a standard around the house now.  A salty pretzel stick, bathed in sweet caramel, then coated in a shell of milk or dark chocolate.  And from there, decoration is all up to you.  I've used the colored meltable candies placed in a ziploc bag.  You snip out a small hole in the bottom corner and then just drizzle it over the cooling chocolate so it will adhere.  Allow them to completely cool, wrap them up in a pretty box or bag and hand out to family and friends.  Or be greedy and eat them all as you watch Christmas specials on Netflix, whatever works for you.  They take a little bit of time to make, just because you have cooling time for the caramel, but they are definitely worth the wait.

Christmas Sugar Cookies

You have to make a batch of these for Santa, but why not expand it and turn it into a party with family or friends.  We've had one person make the cookies, one person make a couple batches of different colors of frosting and one person do a Winco run and buy a whole bunch of different bulk candies.  We'll get together on a Saturday morning and make a dozen dozen to split amongst everyone.  The kids have a blast and they're great to give away on the candy plates.

Gingerbread Men

Great as cookies, awesome as Christmas tree decorations!  I've made a few batches of these for us to eat, but I've taken a large frosting piping tip and poked a hole in the head before cooking them.  It leaves a small hole after they cook so you can thread some ribbon through and hole and tie them onto the tree.  Decorate them any way you want.  Use the frosting to make the faces and frills, but you can also use it as glue to stick candies wherever you want.  Just know that if they hang from the tree long enough, they have a tendency of losing arms and legs to marauding 3 and 5 year olds.

Peanut Butter (or any other flavor) Truffles

It's one of the first posts on the site, so the picture's a little old, but it's one of the richest little bites you'll ever try.  It's greatly adaptable to whatever taste you prefer.  You can add any extract or flavoring you want.  This recipe also explains the basics of tempering of chocolate, which is the basic for any chocolate dipped items.  And you don't have to leave them plain.  Roll them in nuts, sprinkles, candies, cookie bits, whatever you want that you think will taste good and look decorative.

Liz's Caramel Popcorn Balls

This is my wife's recipe, and for the love of god, they are addictive.  They're the most delicious popcorn balls I have ever tasted.  Sweet, slightly salty, and SOFT!  It takes them a long time exposed to the open air to get to that rigid crunchy stage.  If you wrap them up in a little plastic wrap and tie some curling ribbon to the top, not only are they perfect for gift giving, but they'll stay moist and chewy for a week or two.  This is the one item that you may need to start away from little hands.  The caramel is a little molten and napalm-like at the beginning, but once it mixes with the popcorn and cools, definitely bring the kids in and have them help you form up the balls.  If for no other reason than they can eat some as they go.  Want to make them as addictive as crack?  Drizzle melted chocolate all over them.  You'll eat your weight in popcorn balls in about an hour.

There's more candy and goodies to come this month, including a number of different chocolate barks that you can add to the plate as an accent.  So keep checking back for a few more ideas.

What to Do with the Thanksgiving Leftovers... Seven Different Recipes

Leftover turkey is a given after Thanksgiving.  Be it because your group doesn't like the dark meat, or that one family group decided to go to the in-laws instead, or you just found a great deal on a REALLY large bird, you're going to have some extra meat.  Now you can just make the standard sandwiches or casseroles, but let me give you seven other suggestions that will allow you to eat every leftover bite without getting too redundant.

Turkey Enchiladas

Here's a great usage for the dark meat.  Use a pair of forks to shred up the meat.  You can make our sauce recipe, or whatever brand you like best.  Assemble them and pop them in the oven for 30-40 minutes at 350 degrees.  And this recipe is the perfect option for pre-made meals.  Assemble them in the disposable 8x8 tin foil pans (should hold 4-5), cover in foil and drop them in the deep freeze for up to 3 months.  After a hard day's work, throw them in a 375 degree oven for about 60-80 minutes and make a batch of Spanish Rice while you're waiting.

Turkey Lo Mein

A lighter option after stuffing yourself with every carb in the world on Thanksgiving.  Slice your leftover cooked turkey into bite-size bits and allow them to soak in the marinade for about an hour.  Then go through the regular preparation steps.  The time in the wok is just to warm the meat up, so don't overcook it.

Turkey Egg Rolls

Here's an option that can go in the deep freeze after cooking.  Cube up your turkey and add it to the vegetable mixture after you've cooked them down.  Then fry them up, eat as many as you can now, then place them in a ziploc freezer bag once they're cool.  Chill them for up to 3 months.  To reheat, you can just use the microwave or in the oven for 15 minutes to warm them through and crunch them up.

Barbecue Turkey Pizza

You wouldn't think about turkey on a pizza, but it's a great ingredient, especially when you're making a pizza without the standard marinara sauce.  If you're looking for a different taste than everything you'll eat on Thanksgiving, this is it.  Just substitute the chicken for leftover Turkey chopped into chunks and baste it with a little extra barbecue sauce if you want.

Turkey Noodle Soup

Yes it's the classic soup recipe with lots of flavor and vegetables.  Once again, we don't want to overcook the turkey, so add small diced or shredded bits of the bird about 3-4 minutes before you take it off the stove.    I know that after a day or two of intensive cooking, you may not want to go through the noodle making process.  So as a substitute, look for Kluski noodles at the store.  They're usually on the bottom shelf of the noodle section in any supermarket around.  They soak up the broth like a champ and still stay firm.

Buffalo Turkey Pizza

You know I like the spicy stuff and this is a perfect excuse to break out the buffalo sauce.  Chop the turkey into small bits and then spread them all over the pizza.  If you want even more Buffalo flavor, toss the chunks in a mixture of Buffalo sauce and butter and then add it to the pie.

Turkey Tortilla Soup

If you're tired of the basic Noodle Soup, then spice it up instead.  This recipe can be made on the stove, but if you are experiencing kitchen burnout, then do it in the crock pot instead.   Cook on low until the soup is fully cooked, then add some cubed cooked turkey about 10 minutes before serving.  You can also freeze the soup in individual containers so you have quick accessible lunches for a week.




So try a few of these and break out of the turkey leftover doldrums.

A Gaggle of Pie Recipes for Your Thanksgiving!

Last week, we presented all of our recipes for the Thanksgiving meal.  Now you're going to need a dessert.  And for me, Thanksgiving means pie... lots and lots and lots of pie.  Enough that the sugar buzz from the pie will outweigh and tryptophan funk the turkey may induce.  So here's about 20 different options that should please anyone's sweet tooth.  Make a pair, haul them to the event and bask in the loving adoration of your family these pies will illicit.

Oh, and if you need a Pie Crust recipe, you can find that here as well...

Pumpkin Pie

This classic recipe has been around for years. Listen, anyone can slap a pumpkin pie together and make it passable.  The recipe on the pumpkin can works well.  But as with many things in life, if you take care in the details and spend just a few extra seconds to add a few twists, you can elevate the average to extraordinary. You don't have to be a master chef to pull it off, just take your time and as Alton Brown says, "Your patience will be rewarded."

Pumpkin Pie

Basic Cream Pies

These are the first pies I ever made.  As my mother was bedridden with Rhumatic Fever, she'd instruct me on the proper technique for a Coconut Cream Pie.  I'd then run down the hall to the kitchen, start cooking and then run back down the hall with questions.  And from this basic cream pie recipe we tinkered with for a month or two developed into a multitude of different variations.  You can really add almost anything to this cream pie filling and it'll turn out wonderfully.  Here are a few of the first versions we created, which still hold up well almost 25 years later.

Chocolate Cream Pie
Coconut Cream Pie
Banana Cream Pie
Peanut Butter Pie
German Chocolate Pie

Fruit Cream Pies

You can always go with a basic fruit pie, but sometimes you want something just a little different.  We all know how delicious the combination of fruit and whipping cream is.  Well it stands to reason that if you embed them in a creamy pie filling, the result would be decadent.  You can use almost any type of fruit, as long as it's not too acidic, like oranges and pineapple.  For those, there are other precautions that need to be made and will be outlined in a future post.  But for the time being, the classic berries and cherries work wonderfully.

Strawberry Cream Pie
Raspberry Cream Pie
Blueberry Cream Pie
Blackberry Cream Pie

Alcohol Pies

Alcohol, in a pie?  Yes!  It only makes sense....  Your classic candies like Butterscotch and Butter Rum weren't made with just flavorings.  They were made with the actual booze.  And therefore, so are these pies. We've added the inebriatory ingredients and cooked them long enough to remove some, but not all of the alcohol.  There is a very slight kick, but not enough to offend the tea totallers.  Just tell them you used the extracts instead.  They don't need to know.  Or tell them after they've eaten a couple slices and see if the "placebo effect" causes them to strip down naked and go rolling in the snowdrifts.  It'll be holiday "cheer" that will be discussed for years.

Pina Colada Pie
Butterscotch Pie
Butter Rum Pie

Peppermint Fudge Pie

Pardon the old picture, but it's from 3 1/2 years ago, when this recipe won the first X96 Tasty Pie contest.  This pie earned me a trip to Chicago, for which I thank Kerry, Bill and Gina profusely.  It's another variation of the basic cream pie recipe, but great for the Thanksgiving and Christmas Holidays.  There are candy cane bits and a small amount of peppermint extract mixed in to the filling, giving it a minty aroma and slightly pink hue.  The filling sits in a buttery Oreo cookie crust and then topped with rich whipping cream and homemade hot fudge.  Pour the heated fudge over each slice and you'll have a slice of heaven for your holiday parties.  And if you have leftover hot fudge, you could use it later, once all of the guests go home and the kids have gone to bed... wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more...

Peppermint Fudge Pie

Peanut Butter Cup Pie

No, it's not made from peanut butter cups, it's make to LOOK like a peanut butter cup.  The Oreo Cookie crust is drenched with a layer of chocolate ganache to solidify the base.  Then our classic cream pie filling is infused with peanut butter.  Use the chunky style if you can so you have the crunchy nut bits throughout.  Finally, it's topped with additional chocolate ganache that will thicken slightly in the icebox, but not completely solidify, so slicing and serving the pie is effortless.  As you can see from the photo, it's amazing!

Peanut Butter Cup Pie

Cookie Pies

It's truly one of the more decadent pies out there.  How can you reject anything that tastes like moist, fresh chocolate chip cookies.   The Toll House Pie is the classic one from Nestle because, honestly, it's hard to mess with perfection.  But the Peanut Butter Cookie Pie is my own variation.  If you want a giant puffy loft with your cookie pies, substitute the butter for butter flavored shortening.  It has a higher melting point than butter, which will allow all of the other ingredients to expand and solidify before the fat melts and flattens out.

Toll House Pie
Peanut Butter Cookie Pie

Double, Tripe or Quadruple Berry Pie

Here is the classic fruit pie recipe.  It relies on the sugar and pectin in the fruit to combine into a molten pool of gelatinous goodness.  Almost any combination of the berries listed will work, so you can customize it to your liking.  And if the berries you love are out of season, no worries,  Frozen berries make a great substitute.  Just make sure you reheat the slices and top them with a dollop of ice cream for the ultimate pie experience.

Quadruple Berry Pie

Miniature Pies

Sometimes you don't want a large pie.  These bite-size morsels are the perfect solution.  You can make 24 pie shells in one miniature cupcake pan. Cook the shells ahead of time and then consider what fillings you'd like.  This is where your creativity can shine through.  The small size allows you to tinker with the flavoring to an infinite degree.  I've enhanced some of the basic recipes I've made over the years by placing fruit, caramel, or other morsels in the bottom of each shell.  I'll then cook up a batch of the cream pie recipe, separate out a small portion of the filling and flavor it any way I want, then fill the shells.  Don't limit yourself to just these, Play around a bit and make a couple dozen for you event.  Then top them all with a little bit of whipped cream and place on a platter (or one of these Mini cupcake racks) and serve to the masses.

Caramel Apple Mini-Pies
Triple Chocolate Mini-Pies
Peanut Butter Banana Mini-Pies

Donate a Thanksgiving Dinner to the Utah Food Bank

With Thanksgiving less than a week away, we're all preparing for the big day.  But we have to remember that there are many people, even people in our own neighborhoods, where the cost of a Thanksgiving dinner is too much for their budgets to bear.

How many of us are a paycheck or two away from the same sorts of monetary restrictions?  So at this time of year, we should do what we can to spread the love and the bounty to everyone.

There are a number of food drives happening this upcoming week.  I happen to be going to the one sponsored by X96.  They're collecting all sorts of non-perishable food and frozen turkeys on Tuesday, November 20th from 6:00AM-7:00PM at the TelePerformance Headquarters on 1991 South 4650 West in Salt Lake City.  If you can't make that, there are a number of Utah Food Bank drop-off locations for non-perishable foods, most inside Harmon's grocery stores.

At some of the live drop-off locations, they'll accept frozen turkeys.  Now I'm not asking you to break your budget by spending an arm an a leg.  Most of the grocery stores have specials going on right now where you can buy a turkey at rock bottom prices.  Add on a small bag of potatoes, a stuffing mix, a few cans of vegetables and the canned items for a pumpkin pie and you'll spend around $20.  If you live in my home state of Utah, here are all the turkey specials the local grocery stores are running this weekend.  When you're out doing your weekly shopping, spend a little extra and let's help everyone have a happy Thanksgiving.

Winco and Smiths - Make a purchase of $25 or more and you can buy a turkey for 69 cents a pound.

Harmons - Turkeys under 20 pounds are 99 cents a pound, but you will get $5 off if you buy 4 12 packs of Coke products.

Maceys - Turkeys are 99 cents a pound. There's also a $1 off coupon in their weekly ad.

Fresh Market and Dan's Market - Turkeys are 69 cents a pound if you purchase $50 in groceries.  THere's also a $1 off coupon in their ad.

Reams - Two coupons:  $2 off any turkey and $4 off if you buy 4 12 packs of Coke Products.

So while you're shopping for your Thanksgiving meal this weekend, pick up a little extra for those less fortunate than you and show your thanks for what you have.

The Recipes for the Thanksgiving Dinner - Turkey, Stuffing, Potatoes, Pie, etc.

OK, boys and girls.  The big day is only 10 days away.  Time to start the prep right now.  Why?  Well, the grocery stores are starting all of their sales this week.  And trust me, it's much easier to shop the grocery stores for most of your supplies this week, as opposed to next. 

Also, you need to make all of your food assignments.  You may think that you can do it all.  You're wrong.  Trust me, you're... Now don't argue with me!  I don't care how good of a cook you are or that you have the time management skills of the GM of Grand Central Station.  It's physically impossible to do everything yourself without causing major mental trauma to yourself.  And the other side effect is the stress that will put you in one of THOSE moods that will turn the holiday into one you'll remember years from now for all the wrong reasons.

So let's plan out what you want to make.  Here's a list of our past Thanksgiving posts that can make your day that much easier on your psyche.

Brined and Roasted Turkey

The centerpiece of the meal and the one thing that can so horribly, horribly wrong.  Leave it in too long, cut it too soon, or fail to treat it properly and your meat will turn out dry and spindly.  No amount of gravy will solve that problem.  So let's take out some insurance and infuse a little extra flavor into the bird by brining it.  You will need to start your preparations the day before, but believe you me... this bird will be the must succulent turkey you've ever had.  This works for any size bird, from the giant monstrosities down to a small turkey breast.

Garlic Mashed Potatoes

This recipe was inspired by my grandmother's mashed potatoes.  She'd stand over the giant stockpot filled with strained potatoes and mash them into oblivion by hand.  Then she'd pour in whipped cream, drop a whole stick of butter and froth them up into fluffy clouds of oblivion.  This recipe follows her technique, but uses my giant stand mixer, so I can avoid the carpal tunnel. 

Sausage and Mushroom Stuffing / Dressing

This is the recipe handed down from my mother.  It's a beautiful conglomeration of all sorts of flavors.  The richness of the thyme and sage, the saltiness and depth of the sausage, the freshness of the onions and celery, it's all here.  I know a number of you are afraid of stuffing because you worry that it may not warm up enough inside the bird to prevent food illness.  That's OK.  We can just place it in a large casserole dish and allow it to cook next to the bird instead.

Aunt Dianne's Parkerhouse Rolls

Another classic recipe that reminds me of my childhood.  You ever have a recipe where you're name ends up in the title?   Well my mom did.  This roll recipe is classic and the perfect accompaniment when you want to sop up any leftover juices.  And if you have leftovers, cut open a roll, load it up with some turkey and you have a perfect little lunch.

Raspberry Pretzel Jello Salad

Would you be surprised that this recipe is one of the most popular on the site?  It is!  Top 5.  If you're assigned a salad or a dessert, you can avoid the mundane options and go with this.  Salty and sweet, fruity and starchy all at the same time.  It pleases your tastebuds five ways to Sunday

Pumpkin Pie

It's the classic pumpkin pie recipe.  But Like many things in this world, it's just not what you put in the pie, but HOW you make the pie.  For it to taste it's best, we need to follow the instruction from my mother-in-law, the best pumpkin pie baker in the world.

And if Pumpkin Pie is not your thing, no worries.  The COMPLETE list of every pie posted on this site is coming on Wednesday, so watch for that post listing all of the pie recipes we've done so far.

Pumpkin Pie, As If It's Thanksgiving Without It

OK, admittedly  I haven't posted a pumpkin pie recipe on the site.  Main reason: I don't have the best one.  Once again, the best traditional Thanksgiving recipes are hand-me-downs from someone in your family.  And this one is great.

My mother-in-law makes the world's best pumpkin pies.  She says that it's one that's been slightly altered from a recipe she found on the pumpkin can.  She's modest.  But once again, it's the way it's prepared that makes it great.  Just like my wife's version of the Toll House Cookies, this standard recipe is made better by the technique she uses.

First, you beat the eggs in a stand mixture to make them frothy and light, which add a lightness to the filling.  Then all of the dry ingredients and the spices are added so they disburse evenly across the batter.  The pumpkin is next and fully incorporated into the batter, and the milk is added last and mixed just enough to blend in thoroughly.

This combination makes two delicious and moits desserts.  No cracked tops, no graininess, no skin on the top.  It'll take your customary Thanksgiving dessert to a whole new level

Pumpkin Pie

2 unbaked pie crusts
1 1/2 cup sugar
1 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons cinnamon
1 1/2 teaspoons ginger
1/2 teaspoon ground cloves
4 eggs
1 29 ounce can of pumpkin
2 12 ounce cans of evaporated milk

Add all of the sugar and spices into a bowl and stir it thoroughly.  Set aside while you add the four eggs to a large stand mixer's bowl/  Beat the eggs for 1 to 2 minutes until they are mixed and slightly frothy.  Add the sugar and beat for another 30 seconds.  Then add the pumpkin and mix for another 30 seconds.  Add the milk and mix until it's combined.  Pour the contents into a pair of unbaked pie shells and bake at 425 degrees for 15 minutes, then drop the heat to 350 degrees and bake for 40-50 minutes until a knife comes out of the center of the pie clean.  Refrigerate after they have cooled.

Aunt Dianne Parker House Rolls

It is a rare occasion when you can make a recipe that is so good, your name is part of the title.  Well, my mother accomplished it with this roll recipe.  It's been the standard for our family get-togethers for years.  On the rare occasion my mother did not make them, the cousins' would say "Where are Aunt Dianne's Rolls??" and it stuck.

The style of roll is called Parker House, which derives it's name from where they were invented, the Parker House Hotel in Boston.  There's a unique technique used in their creation.  You roll the dough out flat, cut out rounds, brush butter upon them, fold them in half and then coat them with butter again.  Not only does the butter give them a slightly crispy exterior and an awesome flavor, but the foldover point is the perfect separation, allowing you to easily tear it into two halves and insert whatever you'd like.

These make the perfect sandwich medium for the leftover turkey from Thanksgiving dinner.  And if you make all the rolls you need and still have leftover dough, roll it flat and encase it in butter, cinnamon and sugar for some the best cinnamon rolls around.  Or if you don't like the sweet, roll it flat and use is as a pizza crust.

Like most bread, there is the requisite rising time (two hours), so don't think you can whip these up in less than 60 minutes.  You can make them the day before and place them in ziploc bags to maintain the freshness.  Then just place them back in a 400 degree oven for 5 minutes to warm them up.  They also freeze well for up to 3 months.

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Aunt Dianne's Parker House Rolls

2 cups milk
2/3 cup shortening (butter flavored if you have it)
1/2 cup sugar
1 cup water
2 tablespoons yeast
1 tablespoon salt
4-5 cups flour

Pour the milk into a small saucepan and add the shortening and sugar.  Heat the milk over medium low heat until the shortening melts.  Remove from the heat and add the water so the mixture's temperature drops to around 95-110 degrees (perfect temperature for yeast growth).  If it's too hot, allow it to cool.  Once it's temperature is perfect, add the yeast and stir to combine.  Pour the mixture into the bowl of a stand mixer and allow it to sit for 5 minutes.  Then slowly add the salt and flour and mix with the dough hook attachment until the dough ball stops sticking to the side of the bowl.

Knead the dough out on a floured surface for a few minutes.  In preparation for future steps, grease two large cookie sheets.  Then roll out about half of the dough to about 1/2 to 3/4 inch thick and cut small rounds.  Place the rounds on the cookie sheet and brush the melted butter on top.  Then fold them over and press the edges together using one finger at the center of each seam.  Brush more melted butter on top.  Repeat with the rest of the dough.  Then cover them with paper towels and allow them to rise for 2 hours.

After the rising period, place them in a 400 degree oven for 12-15 minutes until they are golden brown on top.

Serve warm with any meal, or store in ziploc bags in the pantry for up to a week.  You can also freeze them for up to 3 months.

So make a batch of these rolls for your next big dinner and give Aunt Dianne the credit.