Easy Prime Rib... Yes, you read that right!

The holiday parties are in a couple of weeks.  And EVERYBODY's thinking about hams and turkeys.  Honeybaked has a line out the door and Costco has a gigantic freezer section filled to capacity with pig legs wrapped in red foil.

But if you're looking for a great option, just turn your back to the ham pile and look to the beef case.  You'll find probably the most prized cut of beef in the culinary world, the prime rib.  It may be named standing rib roast or something similar, but be assured, that's prime rib.

And this time of year, the prices for this cut can be downright amazing.  Watch your local grocery ads.  You'll see roasts for as cheap as $5.99 per pound.  A 7 pound roast can feed 8-10 people and if there are leftovers, consider yourself lucky.  You have the perfect ingredient for awesome sandwiches, stews, or even one of our chilis.

The key to a great prime rib is the slow cooking  You MUST have some sort of thermometer inserted into the meat so you know exactly what the temperature is in the middle of the roast.  The difference between rare and medium rare is 5 degrees.  And the different between that perfect medium rare and a medium that is a little less juicy is also 5 degrees, as you can see in the photo above.  So you need to monitor it's temperature constantly.  You could use a mechanical thermometer, but that means checking it constantly and who really wants to do that.  For the chronically lazy like myself, a digital thermometer is the perfect solution.  Most have an alert built in so it will beep as soon as it hits the perfect temp.

So set your thermometer to beep at 122 degrees, then you can pull it from the oven and let the carryover heat take it to just the right temperature.

Perfectly Easy Prime Rib

Plan for 2 1/2-3 hours of total cooking time

One 6-7 pound prime rib or standing rib roast
1 tablespoon oregano
1 tablespoon rosemary
1 tablespoon thyme
1 teaspoon onion powder
1/2 tablespoon sage
2 cloves garlic
1/3 cup olive oil

In a small bowl, add all the spices and the olive oil and stir until combined.  Then place the roast on a roasting pan or in a roasting rack inside a 13x9 inch pan.  Baste the entire roast with the spice and oil mixture.

Cook the roast in a 425 degree oven for 15-20 minutes to give the cooking a kickstart, then reduce the heat to 300 degrees and continue to roast until the internal temperature hits 122 degrees, about 2 - 2 1/2 hours for a 7-8 pound roast.  At that point remove it from the oven, place a tent of tin foil over the meat and then lay a couple of dishtowels over the tin foil.  This will create a miniature oven so the carryover heat can do it's job.

And now,  the most vital part of the process.... patience.

It will smell delicious, it will stir every ounce of the carnivore within you.  But you must refrain with every fiber of your being from slicing into that for at least fifteen minutes.  You'll need to leave the thermometer in the roast, cover it in tin foil and let it cook the rest of the way on the counter.  There's so much heat in that slab of meat and in the pan it sits in, that the residual heat will carryover and raise the temperature to the final internal temperature of 130 degrees.  This should take that requisite 15 minutes, but as soon as it hits 130, remove the foil and let it sit for another 10 minutes.  This will allow the juices to relocate inside the meat and hunker down.  Slice it too soon, and your carving plate will be full of the meaty juices and your roast will not.

So buy a Prime Rib and cook it for the holiday masses.  Just Remember:  NO cutting the roast until after it rests or it'll go all Game of Thrones Red Wedding on you.

8 Christmas Food Gifts for Your Friends and Neighbors

For a long time, I had this picture as one of the photos on the blog's header.  That's because when I was done with my Christmas candy creations, we were shocked at the volume we made.  Twelve cookie sheets filled with pretzel sticks, truffles, barks, chocolate covered cherries and all sort of dipped treats, like cinnamon bears, gummi bears and Oreos.  We were making candy boxes for a few dozen people, friends and family of my family, my mother-in-law and sister-in-law.  It was amazing how much work we did in the space of a couple of hours.  And they were a hit with everyone. 

If you're looking for some great neighbor gifts, or just need something to give to reciprocate when a co-worker "unexpectedly" gives you a gift, any combination of the items below will work wonders

Now since Thanksgiving came so early this year, we have a few more days this holiday to make snacks for the masses.  Schedule a weekend or at least a Saturday to make what you need.  And then make more than what you need so you can eat whatever you want.

Frosted Sugar Cookie Pie

The answer to the question: "What does my mind do when it's left to its own devices."  It's the super sweet and more festive cousin of the Toll House Cookie Pie, this converts this masterpiece into a variation of a Christmas classic.  The frosting and sprinkles are optional, but I think that it adds the perfect touch.  You can use a regular pie crust or if you want, you can roll out a thin later of the next item on the list, pour in the pie filling and then cook it all together.  A little cookie on cookie action to put you in a diabetic coma throughout the holiday season.

Chocolate Caramel Covered Pretzel Sticks

These are a standard around the house now.  A salty pretzel stick, bathed in sweet caramel, then coated in a shell of milk or dark chocolate.  And from there, decoration is all up to you.  I've used the colored meltable candies placed in a ziploc bag.  You snip out a small hole in the bottom corner and then just drizzle it over the cooling chocolate so it will adhere.  Allow them to completely cool, wrap them up in a pretty box or bag and hand out to family and friends.  Or be greedy and eat them all as you watch Christmas specials on Netflix, whatever works for you.  They take a little bit of time to make, just because you have cooling time for the caramel, but they are definitely worth the wait.

Christmas Sugar Cookies

You have to make a batch of these for Santa, but why not expand it and turn it into a party with family or friends.  We've had one person make the cookies, one person make a couple batches of different colors of frosting and one person do a Winco run and buy a whole bunch of different bulk candies.  We'll get together on a Saturday morning and make a dozen dozen to split amongst everyone.  The kids have a blast and they're great to give away on the candy plates.

Gingerbread Men

Great as cookies, awesome as Christmas tree decorations!  I've made a few batches of these for us to eat, but I've taken a large frosting piping tip and poked a hole in the head before cooking them.  It leaves a small hole after they cook so you can thread some ribbon through and hole and tie them onto the tree.  Decorate them any way you want.  Use the frosting to make the faces and frills, but you can also use it as glue to stick candies wherever you want.  Just know that if they hang from the tree long enough, they have a tendency of losing arms and legs to marauding 3 and 5 year olds.

Peanut Butter (or any other flavor) Truffles

It's one of the first posts on the site, so the picture's a little old, but it's one of the richest little bites you'll ever try.  It's greatly adaptable to whatever taste you prefer.  You can add any extract or flavoring you want.  This recipe also explains the basics of tempering of chocolate, which is the basic for any chocolate dipped items.  And you don't have to leave them plain.  Roll them in nuts, sprinkles, candies, cookie bits, whatever you want that you think will taste good and look decorative.

Liz's Caramel Popcorn Balls

This is my wife's recipe, and for the love of god, they are addictive.  They're the most delicious popcorn balls I have ever tasted.  Sweet, slightly salty, and SOFT!  It takes them a long time exposed to the open air to get to that rigid crunchy stage.  If you wrap them up in a little plastic wrap and tie some curling ribbon to the top, not only are they perfect for gift giving, but they'll stay moist and chewy for a week or two.  This is the one item that you may need to start away from little hands.  The caramel is a little molten and napalm-like at the beginning, but once it mixes with the popcorn and cools, definitely bring the kids in and have them help you form up the balls.  If for no other reason than they can eat some as they go.  Want to make them as addictive as crack?  Drizzle melted chocolate all over them.  You'll eat your weight in popcorn balls in about an hour.

Chocolate Covered Christmas Shortbread Cookies

The reason I gain 8 pounds every Christmas season.  These large shortbread cookies dipped in whatever version of chocolate you crave are hidden away in my desk drawer so I can get me sugar rush amid the craziness of the holiday workday.  You can make them any size you wish, Use the large sugar cookie cutters if you want, or just place it all into a large 13 x 9 in ban, bake it and then slice it up while they are still warm. They're simple to make and if you follow the tempering instructions, the chocolate will have a glossy sheen that will impress anyone you give them to... if you decide to share.

Oreo, Peppermint or Assorted Nut Bark

The easiest Christmas candy to make and the most versatile option in the bunch.  I list three different variations here,(including my favorite, the Peppermint bark) but the sky is the limit,  You can use any type of candy, cookie, nut, or other confection you want.  Just pair it with your favorite version of chocolate and allow it to cool.  Break it into small pieces and add it to any plate of goodies to impress the neighbors.  My favorite, break it into large pieces and stash it somewhere safe from little prying eyes.  Then I can portion out just the amount I want when I want it.

So there are a couple ideas for your Christmas snack plate.  And as an added gift, you can check out my scientific explanation of Santa's powers here, just in case you have inquisitive little ones. 

Santa's Magic Explained Through Science and Science Fiction

I wrote this last year, but I think it still applies.  Santa's state of the art and here's an explanation on how he does what he does through scientific principals and examples in science fiction.

I have very inquisitive kids.  They ask all sorts of questions, because some of the Santa legends just don't add up in their minds.  We used to rely on the holiday specials, but explanations from stop-motion reindeer and snowmen just don't cut it nowadays.  So I've done my research and I've found real-world ways and some science fiction examples to explain all of Santa's "Magic".  It's not that's he's a mystical being, he's a man of science.  He's used his resources and large coterie of elves to adapt scientific theories and examples from the world of science fiction to deliver toys to billions of children in one night.  Here are answers for some of the more popular questions posed by my kids.

Santa Questions explained through Science and the World of Geek

*How does he remember what every child in the world wants? – It’s called Eiditic Memory. like Sheldon on Big Bang Theory.  It’s the ability to see or hear something once and instantly remember it forever.  Santa gathers all the information from his helpers, elves, etc., and can recall the wishes of every child (and whether they’re naughty or nice) in an instant. 

Do you want to know how he thinks you’re doing?  He’ll take the time to film a special video for each child that requests it.  Tell your parents to go to www.PortableNorthPole.com and ask Santa to send you an update on how nice you’ve been.  It’s free, and he’ll do it in just a couple of minutes

*Does he really read every letter that's sent to him?  Yes!  Or at least one of his workers does.  Every letter is processed through Santa’s Mailroom, staffed by thousands of data entry specialists and database administrators.  Ever wonder why most of the IT staff at your office seem to go on vacation at the end of the year?  It’s not because they haven’t been able to take their vacation due to endless projects heaped on them by ineffective management.  No, they have a more important job to do! 

There’s a clause in their database certifications that requires them to donate a day, a week, sometimes two weeks around the holidays to Santa.  They’re brought to the North Pole to help build the immense toy list.  When letters are received in the North Pole’s central Post Office, they are individually scanned.  The contents are then read and entered by these IT professionals into the world’s largest database, installed across a server farm that would make Google jealous.   Each request is sorted by child, family, city, and region, creating a comprehensive master toy list that allows the toy fabrication department and delivery prep departments to be much more efficient.  Santa reviews the list once, then twice, just to look for data anomalies.  He then forwards the toy orders to the massive workshop where the toys are created/received and then stored for delivery. 

Oh, and this also explains why most IT professionals have some sort of toy or plaything at their desk.  It’s not just something to keep their minds occupied after stressful situations.  Each of them is a personal gift from Santa for a job well done during their furlough at the North Pole.  So remember, be nice to the IT techs in your office all year long.  They’re volunteering their time to make sure your kids get exactly what they want.

*How does he know whether you’ve been naughty or nice? – It used to be a lot harder.  Sure, he could use the old-fashioned magic and a network of stealth elves, traveling the world to collect intel.  But with the technological advantages available to him today, he’s created a worldwide data gathering network that puts the NSA to shame.  Sure, the Elf on the Shelves are still a valuable source of information, but they’re not the only tool at Santa’s disposal.  His Internet Monitoring Project (IMP) allows him to monitor every blog, Facebook page, Twitter feed, and website to see what kind of little boy or girl you are. When Mom posts how you helped her clean the house without being asked, you score some nice points.  Bully someone over the web or post naughty pictures of yourself?  He’ll know your naughty and coal’s coming your way.  He didn’t build the network all by himself.  Thanks to a provision in the Patriot Act, he now has access to all the intelligence gathered by the governments of the world.  Which means the IMP can access any security camera or any cell phone in the world at any time to gather naughty/nice information.  So the next time you throw a fit in the toy aisle of Toys ‘R Us, look up at that security camera.  Santa’s watching…

*How is Santa at every mall, Christmas party, and school at the same time? It’s true that most of the Santas at the malls are Helpers, but his “special” transportation system (explained in the paragraph below) allows him to make many personal appearances in one day.  If he’s not there, then a certified and licensed Santa Helper is there collecting the information for him.  Now these Helpers aren’t collecting the information and personally telling Santa, they’re acting like microphones.  You see, Santa hears, sees and records every child's interaction with a Helper.  It’s all stored in a giant communication system located in his main office.  Think of the giant sonar tracking system in Dark Knight Returns where Batman could turn every cell phone in Gotham into a tracking device.  It’s essentially the same principle.  Santa reviews all of the recorded conversations daily at super high speed.  And with that special Super Sheldon Eiditic memory, he can remember every single request almost instantly.

*How does he visit every house in the world? It is true that hyper-powered reindeer may have allowed him to make all his rounds in one night in the past. When there were 150 million stops a couple hundred years ago maybe, but with almost 2 billion people to visit, it’s impossible without a little “magic”.  And by magic, I mean science.  You see, Santa has mastered wormhole technology.  If you watched Star Trek: Deep Space 9 or if you listen to Neil Degrasse Tyson’s StarTalk Podcast, you understand that a wormhole is a shortcut between two points in space that are miles, or even light years apart.  These distant points become much closer if you just fold space, making the journey shorter.  Think of space as being like a large tortilla.  Imagine LA is on one edge of the tortilla and New York is on the other.  Traveling across the face of the tortilla may take a long time, but what if you could fold up that tortilla like a taco?  Then you can just generate a portal from one egde of the tortilla to the other and the trip is infinitely shorter.  Wormholes allows Santa to travel long distances in less than a second.  This makes the reindeer’s job easier too.  While they still pull the sleigh short distances, the elements laced into the reigns contain the catalyst that creates the wormhole.  Santa fires up the wormhole generator and the Rudolph is just along for the ride.

*If Santa flies through the air, couldn't he be hit by airplanes?  It’s been a risk of the job since the 1930’s.  Up until the mid-1990’s, Santa and the airlines had to rely on radar, radio chatter and visual conformations to avoid any unfortunate accidents.  In 1997, there was a close call.  A late flight out of Miami piloted by a man with a little too much egg nog in his system almost caused a mid-air collision.  Dasher lost the top point of his left antler that day. 

This incident spurred a high-level summit with Santa and the President.  A directive was created between the North Pole and NORAD to create a global tracking system just for Santa.  Santa installed the special GPS-like mechanism in the sleigh a few years back and now NORAD can track Santa wherever he may be in the world.

NORAD has made this information public so the airlines can re-route around him.  And you can track his movements on Christmas Eve.  Just go to www.NORADSanta.com to see where he is on his travels.

*How does he carry all the gifts for all of the children of the world at once?  He doesn’t need to, because what he needs is automatically loaded up just as he needs it.  There are two technologies in play to allow this magical just-in-time delivery to occur.

Now all of the presents created in a year are loaded into the massive storage warehouse according to the giant toy list mentioned earlier.  They’re ordered by child and in sequential order of Santa’s Delivery route.

On Christmas Eve, Santa activates a special trans-dimensional gateway between the back wall of his workshop to the inner wall of histoy sack.  It’s a version of his wormhole technology and looks a lot like the gateways generated by the portal gun in the video game conveniently named Portal. 

One gentleman in Washington stole the technology a few years back.  He decided to post a few pictures on his Facebook page, as you can see with this unique Christmas Tree display.  It was reclaimed quickly by a squadron of S.E.A.L. elves and this poor soul has received coal ever since…

Anyway, the portal allows for easy loading of the sack at any moment.  Computers in the warehouse can track Santa thanks to the NORAD GPS.  A series of conveyor belts and robotic arms immediately load the sack with the proper presents according to wherever Santa is in the world.  So once he’s inside, he can unload everything in a flash.

Now I know you’re asking, “But Travis, how does something like a 70” OLED Flat-Screen TV fit in a 9 cubic foot bag?”  That’s where the second technology comes in.  Santa’s been a watching Doctor Who since the Tom Baker days.  Why do you think he gives out so many scarves?  

Anyway, this Northern Lights Whovian loved the idea of the space differential within the Tardis.  “It’s bigger on the inside”.   So he set his elves to creating a satchel that can be easily hefted on the shoulder, but could hold six thousand square feet of gifts at any given time.  

So with the Portal linking the Tardis-like bag to the warehouse, no matter how many presents are being delivered to a household, he can carry it all with ease and unload in a second.  This helps keep him on schedule and avoids massive lower back pain.

*How does he get into my house if I don't have a fireplace?  OK, I know the traditional explanation you’ve heard is similar to what’s seen in the Santa Clause, where he could go down the piping and a fireplace magically appears.  But that’s just myth.  The methods displayed in Arthur Christmas explain how it really happens.  Santa will use any way possible to get into your house.  Sure, your house may be locked, but Santa has a number of ways he can get through a locked door.  

 1) He does employ elves, so if there is any access port large enough, they can get in and unlock the doors from the inside.  Be it a cold air return, a dog or cat door, or a loose window, it can be used for easy access.

2)  If that doesn’t work, he has a liquid metal key, similar to the metal that makes up the T-1000 in Terminator 2.  It changes to fit the lock perfectly and Santa's in the house in seconds.  And I can hear you saying, what if we have a chain lock or some other locking mechanism that doesn’t require a key? Well...

3) Santa has Jedi-like powers.  If Darth Vader can crush a trachea and Luke can pull a lightsaber across the room with a wave of the hand, Santa can flip a lock, move a chain or pull a door brace from the other side of the door.  Jedi powers also explain how he can lay out the presents so fast, easily move extremely heavy gifts and jump up and down a chimney with no effort whatsoever. 

*What snacks does Santa really like? -  It used to be that Santa was just a cookie man, but it’s a little known fact that Santa’s a HUGE fan of the Food Network. And since he's a man of science, his favorite personality is Alton Brown.  When he some downtime, he’ll watch Iron Chef America and all of his DVR'ed episodes of Good Eats.  Now he wasn't sure if Alton was naughty or nice when he heard he created Cutthroat Kitchen, but after watching one episode, he was hooked and decided he'd leave an extra bottle of 21 year High West Rocky Mountain Rye in his stocking.

Thanks to watching way too much Alton, his palette has expanded and he wants to try every candy and snack in the world. 

He's a big fan of the sweets on Christmas night, only because he's literally covering millions of miles and burning millions of calories.   The customary Sugar Cookies are great, but he'll eat almost anything, like Frosted Sugar Cookie Pie, Chocolate Dipped Shortbread Cookies, Gingerbread Men, Chocolate Covered Pretzel Sticks, Chocolate Bark, Popcorn Balls, Truffles,  or anything else you want to make.  (you knew I’d get a recipe link or two in here, didn’t you.)

I hope that these explanations have cleared up even the most persistent child's questions.  Remember, Santa is real, and he's smart enough to adapt to almost any situation using existing science or adapting ideas from science fiction.  If the kids still have questions, ask them to come up with their own theory. I've found that when my kids come up with an inventive way to explain the "magic" of Santa, they're *ALWAYS* right, no matter what.

Christmas Shortbread Cookies

I always gain a few pounds over the holidays.  With all the options readily available, either in the stores or in the break rooms of the office, it's easy to gorge yourselves.

I can usually say 'no' to most of the snacks and pies and cookies out there.  But A 16th Century Japanese philospoher,  or maybe it was Splinter from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, once said to know your weakness.  These are mine.

Ever since I received that first tin of Walker's Shortbread cookies, I've had no restraint.  I can eat a whole tin in one sitting.  And with this recipe, I can now make my own and stash them in a giant ziploc bag in the bottom drawer of my desk.  Yessss... special they are...  must protect them... my favorite... my own...  my Precious....

This recipe is easy and will make delicious 1/2 inch thick nuggets o' heaven.  And then if you want to make them almost illegal in 17 states, temper a little chocolate and dip them.

Shortbread Cookies

1 pound unsalted butter
1 1/3 cup sugar
1 1/2 teaspoon vanilla
1/2 teaspoon salt
4 1/2 cups flour
Chocolate for dipping (optional)

Using the beater attachment, add the butter, sugar and vanilla to the bowl of a stand mixer and beat until combined.  Add the flour and salt and mix until everything's well incorporated.  Dump out the dough and flatten it into a disk.  Wrap in plastic wrap or a large ziploc bag and place in the fridge for about 20 minutes

After the chill-down time, roll the dough out to 1/2 in thickness.  Use whatever cookie cutters you'd like to make the shapes you want.  Place the cookie dough on a ungreased cookie sheet and sprinkle with some sugar, if you'd like.

Bake in a 350 degree oven for 15-20 minutes or until the edges just begin to brown.  Allow them to cool on a cookie sheet.

If you want to coat them in chocolate, nuke the chopped chocolate pieces in the microwave for 30 seconds, then stir.  Nuke for another 30 seconds and stir again.  Check the temperature.  If it's between 115 and 120, you're done.  If it's not, nuke in 15 second intervals until it reaches that point.  Don't go over 120 or the chocolate will burn.  Allow the chocolate to cool to between 90 and 95 degrees.  At this point, dip the cookies in the chocolate or use a spoon to pour the molten chocolate over each cookie.  Set them in a cool place for 2 hours to allow the chocolate to set.

Choco Mocha Latte Cream Pie

Once again, I was driving down the road trying to wake up on my way to work.  The kids had been up multiple times in the night, as if they scheduled shift to keep Mommy and Daddy awake, so I was running off of about 4 hours of sleep.  I'm staying in my lane, no worries there, but I definitely needed caffeine buzz to keep me conscious for the upcoming 9 hour schlog I was about to endure.

So I drove through one of the five different coffee huts on my way to work and ordered a bucket of Chai Tea Latte.  It was 40 degrees and close to Thanksgiving, so the spices sounded good.  But there was that smell as the barrista opened her drive through window that hit me like a shot of epinephrine to the heart.  A dark roast Columbian blend with a definite semi-sweet undertone.  Then it came to me. A breakfast wake-up pie with coffee and chocolate!

We've used our Basic Cream pie so many ways since it's so versatile, so why not bend it to our will again.  The milk and cream make a great dairy base, so all we need to do is add in the chocolate and coffee.  Don't skimp on the chocolate for this one.  Make sure you use some type that you love.  I'd recommend a semi-sweet or dark chocolate, just because of the sugar that's already in the recipe.

As for the coffee, there are two different methodologies that work.  You could go with a great tasting coffee.  I've tried adding a double shot of espresso.  Since we're flavoring almost a quart of ingredients, that much gives it a great coffee flavor without overpowering everything.  And you get the caffeine as well, so it can qualify as a breakfast pick-me-up.

If you don't want to go that route, you could always just use Kahlua or another Coffee liqueur.  All the coffee flavor, none of the caffeine and a little bit of an alcoholic flavor so it's more of a dessert feel.

Choco Mocha Latte Pie

3/4 cup sugar
5 tablespoons cornstarch
4 ounces espresso or Kahlua
2 cups milk
3/4 whipped cream
1 1/4 teaspoons salt
3 egg yolks
2 teaspoons vanilla
1 1/2 tablespoons butter
3/4 cups chopped chocolate or chocolate chips

Combine the sugar and cornstarch in a small bowl.  Pour the mixture into a large saucepan and then add the coffee, milk and cream.  Use a whisk to blend all of the ingredients together.  Next, separate the 3 egg yolks into a small cup, beat them for about 20 seconds and then set them aside for later.

Place the saucepan over medium heat and with a silicon or rubber spatula and constantly stir the filling until it thickens slightly, from a milky consistency to where it acts like a loose pudding.  While still stirring, add a small amount of the mixture to the egg yolks and immediately stir them. (And don't forget to keep stirring the main mixture so it doesn't burn)  This warms up the egg yolks so they don't become scrambled eggs in the pie.  Repeat this step two more times, then slowly pour the eggs into the main mixture, stirring the main mixture the whole time.

Continue to stir for another two minutes, then stir in the butter.  Once it's completely melted, remove from the heat and add the vanilla.  Pour directly into a pre-prepared pie crust and allow to cool on the counter for 15-20 minutes.  Cover with plastic wrap and place in the refrigerator for 2 hours.  Garnish with whipped cream and maybe an espresso bean or two.


So make one of these and get your morning buzz via some pie!

25 Pie Recipes For Your Thanksgiving Party

Wednesday, we presented all of our recipes for the Thanksgiving meal.  We're now a couple days out and you're going to need a dessert.  And for me, Thanksgiving means pie... lots and lots and lots of pie.  Enough that the sugar buzz from the pie will outweigh and tryptophan funk the turkey may induce.  So here's about 25 different options that should please anyone's sweet tooth.  Make a pair, haul them to the event and bask in the loving adoration of your family these pies will illicit.

Oh, and if you need a Pie Crust recipe, you can find that here as well...

Pumpkin Pie

This classic recipe has been around for years. Listen, anyone can slap a pumpkin pie together and make it passable.  The recipe on the pumpkin can works well.  But as with many things in life, if you take care in the details and spend just a few extra seconds to add a few twists, you can elevate the average to extraordinary. You don't have to be a master chef to pull it off, just take your time and as Alton Brown says, "Your patience will be rewarded."

Pumpkin Pie

Basic Cream Pies

These are the first pies I ever made.  As my mother was bedridden with Rhumatic Fever, she'd instruct me on the proper technique for a Coconut Cream Pie.  I'd then run down the hall to the kitchen, start cooking and then run back down the hall with questions.  And from this basic cream pie recipe we tinkered with for a month or two developed into a multitude of different variations.  You can really add almost anything to this cream pie filling and it'll turn out wonderfully.  Here are a few of the first versions we created, which still hold up well almost 25 years later.

Chocolate Cream Pie
Coconut Cream Pie
Banana Cream Pie
Peanut Butter Pie
German Chocolate Pie

Fruit Cream Pies

You can always go with a basic fruit pie, but sometimes you want something just a little different.  We all know how delicious the combination of fruit and whipping cream is.  Well it stands to reason that if you embed them in a creamy pie filling, the result would be decadent.  You can use almost any type of fruit, as long as it's not too acidic, like oranges and pineapple.  For those, there are other precautions that need to be made and will be outlined in a future post.  But for the time being, the classic berries and cherries work wonderfully.

Strawberry Cream Pie
Raspberry Cream Pie
Blueberry Cream Pie
Blackberry Cream Pie

Alcohol Pies

Alcohol, in a pie?  Yes!  It only makes sense....  Your classic candies like Butterscotch and Butter Rum weren't made with just flavorings.  They were made with the actual booze.  And therefore, so are these pies. We've added the inebriatory ingredients and cooked them long enough to remove some, but not all of the alcohol.  There is a very slight kick, but not enough to offend the tea totallers.  Just tell them you used the extracts instead.  They don't need to know.  Or tell them after they've eaten a couple slices and see if the "placebo effect" causes them to strip down naked and go rolling in the snowdrifts.  It'll be holiday "cheer" that will be discussed for years.

Pina Colada Pie
Butterscotch Pie
Butter Rum Pie

Peppermint Fudge Pie

Pardon the old picture, but it's from 3 1/2 years ago, when this recipe won the first X96 Tasty Pie contest.  This pie earned me a trip to Chicago, for which I thank Kerry, Bill and Gina profusely.  It's another variation of the basic cream pie recipe, but great for the Thanksgiving and Christmas Holidays.  There are candy cane bits and a small amount of peppermint extract mixed in to the filling, giving it a minty aroma and slightly pink hue.  The filling sits in a buttery Oreo cookie crust and then topped with rich whipping cream and homemade hot fudge.  Pour the heated fudge over each slice and you'll have a slice of heaven for your holiday parties.  And if you have leftover hot fudge, you could use it later, once all of the guests go home and the kids have gone to bed... wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more...

Peppermint Fudge Pie

Peanut Butter Cup Pie

No, it's not made from peanut butter cups, it's make to LOOK like a peanut butter cup.  The Oreo Cookie crust is drenched with a layer of chocolate ganache to solidify the base.  Then our classic cream pie filling is infused with peanut butter.  Use the chunky style if you can so you have the crunchy nut bits throughout.  Finally, it's topped with additional chocolate ganache that will thicken slightly in the icebox, but not completely solidify, so slicing and serving the pie is effortless.  As you can see from the photo, it's amazing!

Peanut Butter Cup Pie

Chocolate Dipped Oreo Cookie Pie

The cousin of the Peanut butter cup pie, it's an Oreo lover's dream.  You start with an Oreo cookie crust, create the basic cream pie recipe with a little extra vanilla.  Crust a few Oreos and sprinkle them into the filling.  Then coat the top with our ganache and dip a few Oreo cookies and use them as garnish.  It looks like a lot of work, but it's not much more than any other pie.


Chocolate Dipped Oreo Cookie Pie

Cookie Pies

It's truly one of the more decadent pies out there.  How can you reject anything that tastes like moist, fresh chocolate chip cookies.   The Toll House Pie is the classic one from Nestle because, honestly, it's hard to mess with perfection.  But the Peanut Butter Cookie Pie and Frosted Sugar Cookie Pie are my own variations.  If you want a giant puffy loft with your cookie pies, substitute the butter for butter flavored shortening.  It has a higher melting point than butter, which will allow all of the other ingredients to expand and solidify before the fat melts and flattens out.

Toll House Pie
Peanut Butter Cookie Pie
Frosted Sugar Cookie Pie

Double, Tripe or Quadruple Berry Pie

Here is the classic fruit pie recipe.  It relies on the sugar and pectin in the fruit to combine into a molten pool of gelatinous goodness.  Almost any combination of the berries listed will work, so you can customize it to your liking.  And if the berries you love are out of season, no worries,  Frozen berries make a great substitute.  Just make sure you reheat the slices and top them with a dollop of ice cream for the ultimate pie experience.

Quadruple Berry Pie

Miniature Pies

Sometimes you don't want a large pie.  These bite-size morsels are the perfect solution.  You can make 24 pie shells in one miniature cupcake pan. Cook the shells ahead of time and then consider what fillings you'd like.  This is where your creativity can shine through.  The small size allows you to tinker with the flavoring to an infinite degree.  I've enhanced some of the basic recipes I've made over the years by placing fruit, caramel, or other morsels in the bottom of each shell.  I'll then cook up a batch of the cream pie recipe, separate out a small portion of the filling and flavor it any way I want, then fill the shells.  Don't limit yourself to just these, Play around a bit and make a couple dozen for you event.  Then top them all with a little bit of whipped cream and place on a platter (or one of these Mini cupcake racks) and serve to the masses.

Caramel Apple Mini-Pies
Triple Chocolate Mini-Pies
Peanut Butter Banana Mini-Pies

Coffee, Latte or Tea Pies

So sometimes you want something that's a little different.  The great thing about this basic recipe is that it's extremely adaptable!  You can substitute any flavored liquid for some of the milk to create something spectacular.  For example, I substituted a triple shot of espresso and added the chocolate from the chocolate cream pie recipe to create the Choco Mocha Latte Pie.  I substituted half of the milk in the recipe for the Oregon Chai instant mix and created the Chai Tea Latte Pie.  Use any type of crust for the pies.  The Oreo cookie crust or  even a shortbread cookie crust work even better than the basic crust.

Chai Tea Latte Pie
Choco Mocha Latte Pie

Bring Your Turkeys and Thanksgiving Groceries to X96's Food Drive!!

It's time for the annual X96 Food Drive for the Utah Food Bank.  I'll be bringing a Turkey and some other assorted groceries down to TelePerformance located at 1991 South 4650 West on Tuesday between 6AM and 7PM and I suggest you do the same.  Times are still rough, and maybe you've had a rough year.  Trust me, I know that feeling.

The 13th year of this century has lived up to it's unlucky reputation.  We've had months of medical issues, sending multiple family members to the doctor and hospital on multiple occasions.  The economics of those visits have taken a toll on the pocketbook.  The pure logistics of a variety of illnesses have destroyed any semblance of a regular schedule for months on end.  We're almost back to normal, hopefully tonight's trip to the doctor's is the last one for a long time.

But no matter what I've been through, I've always had food.  I've had a roof over my head.  My kids haven't gone hungry.  I may have had trials and tribulations, but there are always people in more need than me and it's my responsibility to help out any way I can.

The only way I made it through my trials, physically, mentally, emotionally and financially, was through the kindness and generosity of my family and friends.  And there are many people out there trying to survive much worse without any sort of support group.  They need a helping hand.  Even if it's just one meal, a couple extra dollars in their pocket, or just a kind gesture so they know the world isn't such a dark place,  it can mean the world to them.  So spending $20 at the grocery store and stopping by a radio remote on a Tuesday morning is the least you can do to help your fellow man

So gather your groceries, leave for work a little earlier than normal and drop them off to Kerry, Bill and Gina on November 26th.

I've done a little research that can increase your buying power.  All sorts of grocery stores are offering specials on frozen turkeys this week.  Since you have to go shopping this weekend anyway, why not pick up something extra for the food drive?  Here are some of the special offers available at all of the major grocery store chains this weekend.

Harmon's - Frozen Turkeys are only 99 cents a pound and if you buy four 12-packs of Coke Products for $11, you will receive $5.00 off any turkey.

Smith's - Frozen turkeys are 69 cents a pound with a $25 purchase.

Fresh Market - Frozen Turkeys are only 69 cents a pound if you buy $50 in groceries PLUS if you buy four 12-packs of Coke Products for $11, you will receive $5.00 off any turkey PLUS there's a $1.00 turkey coupon in their ad

Macey's - Frozen Turkeys are only 99 cents a pound PLUS if you buy four 12-packs of Coke Products for $11, you will receive $5.00 off any turkey PLUS there's a $1.00 turkey coupon in their ad

Reams - $4.00 off a turkey when you buy 4 12 packs of Coke products PLUS a $2.00 coupon in their add in their ad

Dan's - Frozen Turkeys are only 69 cents a pound if you buy $50 in groceries PLUS if you buy four 12-packs of Coke Products for $11, you will receive $5.00 off any turkey PLUS there's a $1.00 turkey coupon in their ad

Winco - Turkeys are 68 cents a pound with a $25 purchase, but only 78 cents a pound for an additional bird up to four birds!

So almost anywhere you go, you can get a frozen turkey, a few canned vegetables, potatoes, stuffing mix and a couple other additions for $20 or less!  You have to go to the store this weekend anyway.  Spend $20 to brighten someone else's world!

The Essentials to a Great Thanksgiving Meal

OK, boys and girls.  The big day is only 10 days away.  Time to start the prep right now.  Why?  Well, the grocery stores are starting all of their sales this week.  And trust me, it's much easier to shop the grocery stores for most of your supplies this week, as opposed to next.

Also, you need to make all of your food assignments.  You may think that you can do it all.  You're wrong.  Trust me, you're... Now don't argue with me!  I don't care how good of a cook you are or that you have the time management skills of the GM of Grand Central Station.  It's physically impossible to do everything yourself without causing yourself major mental trauma.  And the other side effect is the stress that will put you in one of THOSE moods that will turn the holiday into one you'll remember years from now for all the wrong reasons.

So let's plan out what you want to make.  Here's a list of our past Thanksgiving posts, along with our most recent editions, that can make your day that much easier on your psyche.

Brined and Roasted Turkey

The centerpiece of the meal and the one thing that can so horribly, horribly wrong.  Leave it in the oven too long, cut it too soon, or fail to treat it properly and your meat will turn out dry and spindly.  No amount of gravy will solve that problem.  So let's take out some insurance and infuse a little extra flavor into the bird by brining it.  You will need to start your preparations the day before, but believe you me... this bird will be the must succulent turkey you've ever had.  This works for any size bird, from the giant monstrosities down to a small turkey breast.

Crock Pot Turkey Breast with Vegetables

Sometimes you don't have an army coming for Thanksgiving.  So instead of going through the whole turkey ordeal, why not do a smaller, more efficient turkey preparation method?  All you have to do is thaw the turkey breast, place it and your veggies in the crock pot and then sit around and watch football for about four hours.  You'll have almost the entire meal done in one vessel.  Make a batch of the stuffing in the oven as listed below and serve a pie for dessert.  Thanksgiving done without a marathon in the kitchen.

Garlic Mashed Potatoes

This recipe was inspired by my grandmother's mashed potatoes.  She'd stand over the giant stockpot filled with strained potatoes and mash them into oblivion by hand.  Then she'd pour in whipped cream, drop a whole stick of butter and froth them up into fluffy clouds of oblivion.  This recipe follows her technique, but uses my giant stand mixer, so I can avoid the carpal tunnel. 

Sausage and Mushroom Stuffing / Dressing

This is the recipe handed down from my mother.  It's a beautiful conglomeration of all sorts of flavors.  The richness of the thyme and sage, the saltiness and depth of the sausage, the freshness of the onions and celery, it's all here.  I know a number of you are afraid of stuffing because you worry that it may not warm up enough inside the bird to prevent food illness.  That's OK.  We can just place it in a large casserole dish and allow it to cook next to the bird instead.

Turkey Gravy without the Lumps

There are all sorts of gravy making methods out there, and most leave islands of starchy lumps floating in the sauce.  The key to lumpless gravy is to coat the starch with fat so the flour or cornstarch doesn't have a chance to congeal into powder bombs.  And the preparation takes no more time than the bird's cool-down period. This will work with any type of meaty liquid, but since it's Thanksgiving, we're working with poultry broth.

Aunt Dianne's Parkerhouse Rolls

Another classic recipe that reminds me of my childhood.  You ever have a recipe where you're name ends up in the title?   Well my mom did.  This roll recipe is classic and the perfect accompaniment when you want to sop up any leftover juices.  And if you have leftovers, cut open a roll, load it up with some turkey and you have a perfect little lunch.

Raspberry Pretzel Jello Salad

Would you be surprised that this recipe is one of the most popular on the site?  It is!  Top 5.  If you're assigned a salad or a dessert, you can avoid the mundane options and go with this.  Salty and sweet, fruity and starchy all at the same time.  It pleases your tastebuds five ways to Sunday

Pumpkin Pie

It's the classic pumpkin pie recipe.  But Like many things in this world, it's just not what you put in the pie, but HOW you make the pie.  For it to taste it's best, we need to follow the instruction from my mother-in-law, the best pumpkin pie baker in the world.

And if Pumpkin Pie is not your thing, no worries.  The COMPLETE list of every pie posted on this site is coming on Monday, so watch for that post listing all of the pie recipes we've done so far.

Gravy Without the Lumps

When gravy is good, it's goooooooood.  It imparts the flavor of whatever you've just created into a great sauce for smothering potatoes, meat or veggies.  The scourge of gravy is the lumps.  If you add the thickening agent too quickly, or just in one big lump, it'll create islands of starch that'll speckle the gravy.  And of you've ever bitten into a large lump, you know how bland and lifeless it is... and how it'll hydrate in the back of your throat, causing you to devolve into a coughing fit.

There are a lot of different ways to incorporate either flour or cornstarch in a gravy.  Some people just slowly whisk small portions into the liquid and home for the best.  I've seen people use a special tupperware shaker where you add a little liquid and the flour and shake it until your arm is sore.  That works most of the time, but remember that I an inherently lazy and would rather do something much easier.

So let's look at why the flour or cornstarch sticks together.  If you pore water directly into a bowl of flour, everything becomes a clumpy, doughy mess.  That's because flour likes to absorb liquid and once it's wet, it also likes to stick.  The starches start bonding together and once that has happened, it takes a lot of whisking or mulching in the food processor to obliterate them. Now once the starch molecules reach a certain high temperature, the starch doesn't stick together.  They explode into extremely small bits and become the thickener we want.

SO the key is to keep the starch molecules separated until it gets hot enough to devolve into the thickening agent.  The best way to do that is to coat them with a fat that will block the liquid until it's hot enough to break through the fat and fluff up the starches.  That where a roux comes in.

A roux is a mixture of fat and starch that can thicken liquid at a high temperature.  To make a roux, all you need to do is mix equal parts of a fat and a starch in a saucepan and cook it over medium heat for about 5 minutes.  Then you can add your liquid whenever you're ready.  But add the liquid slowly and whisk it as you go.  When the sauce reaches a boiling point, the fat then frees up the starch to expand, thicken the sauce, and stay separated from each other so there's no way lumps can develop.

One tablespoon of fat (like butter) and one teaspoon of starch (either cornstarch or flour) will thicken about 4 ounces of liquid into gravy.  You can use any type of liquid you like.  I especially like to add the leftover liquid from cooking, such as broth from a crock pot recipe (like the Crock Pot Turkey Breast) or the drippings from a roast.  But if you don't have any, just use your favorite broth.  Feel free to size this up or down as you need, just keep the proportions of 1 tablespoon fat/1 tablespoons starch/4 ounces liquid the same.  I prefer the cornstarch because there's slightly less of a starchy taste, but my no means does flour overpower the other flavor.

Gravy Without the Lumps

4 tablespoons butter
4 tablespoons cornstarch or flour
About 16 ounces of broth, drippings from a roast or turkey, or other flavorful liquid
1/4 teaspoon thyme
Salt and pepper

Melt the butter in a saucepan over medium heat.  Add the flour and stir until completely combined and stir it for about 3-5 minutes.  Add the thyme and stir for 10 more seconds. Slowly add the broth in small portions, whisking for about 20-30 seconds after adding the liquid.  Add liquid until the consistency is a little thinner than you want it to be on the table.  Allow it to cook for 5 more minutes or until it reaches a light boil, then remove from the heat.  Salt and pepper to taste.   Pour the gravy into a serving vessel and allow to cool for about 3 minutes.  Serve on meat, potatoes or drink straight from the gravy boat.